Smile!

16/3/2019

'The good news is you have 200 people working for you. The bad news is they don't see it that way.' (Euan Semple)

I love how humour can transform, creating fresh perspective by shedding novel light on people, issues and situations in ways that plain comment or description just can’t. It can be a great technique for reframing, making the familiar unfamiliar and vice versa too. I worked with a colleague, Benjamin, who enjoyed using phases playfully. If something went wrong or didn’t work out as we had hoped, or if someone was sounding unduly pessimistic, he would simply grin disarmingly and say something like, ‘Ah well, every silver lining has a cloud.’ Humour can inject energy, diffuse tension, bring people together, make life and work more fun. Smiles and laughter are good for health and well-being too.

I worked with Richard, an occupational psychologist and HR leader who had a passion for developing talent and enhancing people’s commitment, capacity and contribution. He could have presented his case for change using formal statistics, spreadsheets and information. Instead he would start with an open, provocative smile, ‘There are people who left this organisation years ago...but still turn up for work every day.’ It had a very different qualitative feel to sarcasm, cynicism or bland statement of fact. It was a powerful use of irony to highlight an issue, evoke curiosity, challenge the status quo and invite a response. I could almost hear every person in the room thinking, ‘I wonder if that could be me?’

For humour to work, it needs to have some resonance with what the audience already knows, perceives and experiences as real and true. I think back to the first time I read Scott Adams’ The Dilbert Principle (1996). I sat on my bed and literally cried laughing. It was for me, as for many others, a refreshingly new approach to shining a critical spotlight on the quirky, crazy and self-defeating politics of office life. This, however, signals that humour is culturally and contextually-relative. Have a glance, for instance, at satirical Despair.com. Are its posters funniest for those who have seen their earnest equivalents first? What have been your best experiences of humour at work? Who or what made them so effective?

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48 Comments

Khorshed Bhote

17/3/2019 10:36:52 am

Not forgetting laughter is good exercise for facial muscles too!

Nick Wright

17/3/2019 10:37:50 am

Hi Khorshed. Yes, and physically smiling can change our mental and emotional state too.

18/3/2019 10:08:53 pm

Very true Nick.

18/3/2019 10:10:36 pm

Thanks Khorshed. :)

Sara Pearson MSc

18/3/2019 10:11:20 pm

Hi Nick, they say laughter is the best medicine, I think this is true for both business and health.

18/3/2019 10:15:27 pm

Hi Sara. Yes, what a difference laughter can make!

Felicity Clarke

21/3/2019 11:00:13 am

You really have to judge your audience on this one. Sometimes it can be the perfect icebreaker but on the flip side, it can create deadly awkward silence!!

21/3/2019 11:01:08 am

Hi Felicity. Absolutely. Humour can be a great bridge...or a huge barrier!

Dave Cosgrove

21/3/2019 01:51:33 pm

I find it the best way to build rapport and put clients at ease. The challenge, as with coaches talking too much, is when people mistake being serious with being good.
'A harmless hilarity and a buoyant cheerfulness are not infrequent concomitants of genius; and we are never more deceived than when we mistake gravity for greatness, solemnity for science, and pomposity for erudition.' ~Charles Caleb Colton

21/3/2019 01:55:29 pm

Hi Dave. You reminded me of Ian Henderson of Eagle Training, an excellent and very effective trainer I know and have worked with, who uses humour skillfully and sensitively to establish rapport, put learners at ease and evoke a creative state of curiosity.

Catriona Futter

21/3/2019 02:51:53 pm

When you know a client well, and you can call them directly on something negative that they just said about themselves in a way that makes them laugh - and dismantles the negative belief. Or getting a client to visualise as an actual character some form of obstacle in their lives, again to diminish it's power.

21/3/2019 02:52:23 pm

Hi Catriona. Thanks for sharing some great examples!

Ian Henderson

21/3/2019 06:29:59 pm

What can I possibly say about using humour in my training Nick???????

21/3/2019 06:31:34 pm

Hi Ian. Yesss...enough said!! 🤭😀

Andrea Khaldi

21/3/2019 06:48:36 pm

I think it plays a 90% in every Session or Course I make. I basically create Stand up comedy with my client to show them how laughing about their problems makes them uneffective!

21/3/2019 06:49:13 pm

Hi Andrea. I'm intrigued. Do you have any examples you could share here?

22/3/2019 10:36:14 pm

Sure!
Once I was talking with a client of mine who suffered from Panic Attack. To be right, he had suffered from it for a very long time but it has been years since he hadn't one.
So he starts talking about it and how terrific it is to not be able to take a train for the fear of an attack or how difficult it is to never know the right thing to do.
I had to explain how the brain works and how neurons have the ability to specialize in whatever they do, so that when we are scared of something that we know shouldn't be able to scare us, we should take it as a sign that our brain is telling us "Ehy mate, you know this is something we're not used to, right? don't be an asshole, come here, we've got candies".
And to explain all this I started play the "Conscious Coward" Character. Every fear he had, it became an excuse not to do anything.
I played for a couple of minutes and then my client was laughing at himself and told me "You know, when you put it that way I really don't have any excuse".
Now he went over almost any of his trauma and he can take a train and do so much more, by laughing at it :)

22/3/2019 10:38:49 pm

Thanks Andrea. What a fascinating example of using humour in this way! Thank you for sharing it.

E.G.Sebastian - CPC, CSL

21/3/2019 06:50:35 pm

I'm naturally humorous - I see the funny in everything. When I coach I consciously tone it down, about 80%, which still leaves enough to make each session fun. At least 50% of my clients stay with me for more than a year - some 2, or even 3+ years - which must mean that I probably use about the right amount of humor... and right amount of coaching :)

21/3/2019 06:52:33 pm

Hi E.G. Yes - it’s one of the reasons I always look forward to reading your comments! 😀😀😀

Brett Knopke

21/3/2019 10:58:04 pm

Occasionally I'll work with people who say provocative things which they then refuse to be challenged on or defend. I then have those words printed out verbatim as a quote on a beautiful plaque, wrap it up and give it to them as a gift. Ironically discussing those words with gravity is hilarious and works every time.

21/3/2019 10:58:32 pm

Hi Brett. I love that idea. Very creative!

Suman Singh

22/3/2019 09:25:37 am

Hey Nick, It is a very lively perspective and Being an ardent fan of making humor part of life, it resonates with me a lot.

22/3/2019 09:26:06 am

Thanks Suman! :)

Glenn Bishell

22/3/2019 09:27:17 am

Humour plays an integral part. It relaxes, engages and when content is imbedded it enriches.

22/3/2019 09:28:09 am

Hi Glenn. I'm interested to hear more. Can you say a bit more about 'when content is imbedded'? Do you have any examples you could share here?

John Dooner

22/3/2019 09:29:16 am

It's one of my top values and I have to watch that I don't over-play it. Get it right and it's perfect for breaking tension with an "off the wall" observation. Get it wrong and there's a big danger that I'll look flippant and unconcerned.

When I know my clients well, our introductory conversation is generally light hearted and with laughter, then down to business. Please note, laughter is not excluded and can go a long way to creating a positive and receptive context.

22/3/2019 09:29:58 am

Hi John. Well said..!!

Kathrin

22/3/2019 07:56:53 pm

When I laugh with my students, it's not a teacher-student relationship at the moment. Laughter dissolves boundaries and levels and connects. After that it is much easier to be a teacher again and to be heard. Much easier to have a good relationship with the students than if I were always strict and aloof.

22/3/2019 10:42:51 pm

Hi Kathrin. What an interesting insight - how humour can level relationships and increase quality of contact and effectiveness. Thank you for sharing it.

Neill Hahn

22/3/2019 10:40:44 pm

You are a mind reader Nick. I have been wondering about this same subject currently. In 4 years at Uni, the subject of humour as a therapy tool was never mentioned, yet it seems to me that most of my clients are suffering from an overdose of drama and a corresponding lack of humour. I see and use humour as a bona fide coping technique, not as a distraction or escape (but can be misused that way). I will point out the absurdity within a situation to any client that i feel with cope with that, which is most. The relief is instant, because it expands the range of emotions they have permission to feel. A woman whose son had recently died was pleased to see that that she was able to laugh at the limited (& ridiculous) views other family had offered her, instead of just being offended by them (which her drama reaction had triggered in her). It helps to get a wider perspective on anything and to cope with it... as long as it's not used as a replacement for other feelings (ie let's not use humour, drugs or alcohol to hide from reality). I would love to read other views.

22/3/2019 10:59:40 pm

Hi Neill and thank you for sharing such fascinating reflections on this topic. How interesting that humour should not have been considered in a therapeutic context. There's something about an appropriate (...and, perhaps, therein lays a challenge in the midst of trauma, anxiety or stress...) use of humour that can reduce anxiety and therefore shift perspective and, thereby, the range of options available to a client. We could, therefore, view humour as a means to supporting resilience and resourcefulness. Here are a few interesting articles on this theme:

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328936471_The_use_of_humor_by_therapists_and_clients_in_cognitive_therapy

https://etd.auburn.edu/bitstream/handle/10415/2211/7-12-2010%20Blevins%20Fixed.pdf?sequence=2

https://positivepsychologynews.com/news/laura-lc-johnson/200906252693

23/3/2019 08:14:46 pm

Nick, thanks heaps for sharing those links. Although I liked Laura Johnston's intentions & organisation of the topic, I noted that she seemed to see humour just as a diversion from clients current views. Jokes are the fiction aspect of humour, but, like romance, I think it needs to be become integrated into an internal way of seeing and then being, to be truly useful for coping. I had a client who was suicidal because his sister had just suicided. We explored the loveliness of his sister, her humour and he was able to create the story of how his sister would react by kicking his backside if he joined her in death. He was able to go away with a greater appreciation of his sister and see his (abandoned) plan in a more realistic light by adding tinges of humour into the mix.

23/3/2019 08:17:18 pm

Hi Neill. Yes, that was my reaction when I read the article too. I like your more integrated approach, where humour fulfills its own therapeutic purpose rather than being a simple distraction from an issue that a client may be dealing with.

Claire Grosvenor

23/3/2019 08:50:33 am

I often use it to break down barriers that may be present at the start of the process- other times it removes the intensity that can occur at times- used in an intentional way can be a really useful tool.

23/3/2019 08:52:40 am

Hi Claire. I think that's a useful point about using humour intentionally. It suggests that we use humour with awareness...and that helps us use it sensitively and appropriately.

Mel Chew

23/3/2019 08:02:07 pm

Thanks for sharing Nick - I really like how Richard started off with a thought provoking challenge than jumping straight into the data.

Using humour (as you said relevant to the audience) is a great way to catch their attention, get them talking after a presentation / workshop and keeps them engaged.

I find when watching Ted Talks, those that inject humour are ones I am more likely to keep watching, or even watch again.

If I was in that presentation with Richard, I wouldn’t remember the exact figures on the spreadsheet but I will remember the challenge he threw out - it can make a session much more memorable.

23/3/2019 08:10:25 pm

Thanks Mel. I will pass your comments on to Richard. :) Yes, Richard's approach was challenging, yet in a way that evoked curiosity rather than defensiveness. In that sense, it opened up rather than closed down. I agree with you about memory. I still remember Richard's comment vividly, even though it was about 10 years ago!

23/3/2019 08:18:41 pm

Yes absolutely agree with evoking curiosity rather than defensiveness 👍

23/3/2019 08:20:01 pm

😀

Dave Berman

24/3/2019 11:22:07 pm

Hey Nick, I work with "unconditional" laughter, which means laughing on purpose. It is done for exercise, self discovery, and enhanced connection with others.

The value of laughter is too important to leave to chance and hope the "condition" of funny will appear. Humor is subjective and you rightly point out the potential contextual obstacles.

Extended voluntary laughter naturally lowers stress and boosts mood, pleasure, and learning. Intentional laughter allows us to add on top elements of mindful breathing, greater self awareness, and endless metaphors that encourage creativity, spontaneity, playfulness, and - believe it or not - authenticity (not to mention confidence, resilience, curiosity, and the capacity to grow).

We are all born with the innate ability to laugh so even though this seems paradoxical or counterintuitive it is available to everyone who stops stopping themselves from laughing. Simply put, laughter is the sound of joyful breathing. The more you laugh on purpose, the more life shows you reasons to laugh.

I find laughter to be a fabulous learning vehicle that does not preclude humor but does not have to depend on it either.

24/3/2019 11:25:55 pm

Hi Dave. Thanks for sharing such intriguing thoughts. I had never really thought about laughter without the need for humour. I wonder if laughing in the way you describe has similar physical, mental and emotional effects as choosing to smile?

25/3/2019 09:19:34 am

Nick, the benefits of smiling are a fraction of those from laughing. I wrote about a lot of this in my 2015 book Laughter for the Health of It. In 2016 I began a still ongoing Laugh of the Day video series. That first year featured guests from all 50 United States and 54 other countries. Many shared powerful stories about the impact of their laughter practices.

Laughing on purpose every day for the past eight years or so has helped me in more ways than I can know. It has informed my personal and professional development and taken me around the world. My introduction came through Laughter Yoga, which a physician in India started as a social form of exercising in 1995. Dr. Madan Kataria still teaches and has trainers around the world sharing his methods often at free laughter clubs.

Some of us have built on top of that to integrate laughter with other fields. In addition to coaching, I have a colleague in California whose laughter program is used with dialysis patients; another colleague in Mexico made a documentary about a laughter program he conducted in prisons; laughter sessions are offered at nursing homes, cancer centers, pain clinics, plus corporate retreats, professional conferences, and in some company wellness programs, among other settings.

25/3/2019 09:22:08 am

Hi Dave. Thanks for adding this dimension to the conversation. Very interesting. I will have a look at your Laugh a Day videos. Are they available on YouTube?

26/3/2019 09:44:25 am

Nick, the best place for you to see some of my videos is on my LinkedIn activity feed. I only share ones relevant to my coaching (about 50%). To see all of them and other ways I serve my community, see my Facebook group - http://facebook.com/groups/DailyLaughers. I do have a YouTube channel where I posted all videos from the first two years but stopped after that because engagement and community building was so much more meaningful with my FB group. Still, that does provide easy navigation for the first 731 videos at http://youtube.com/dailylaughers. Thanks for your interest!

26/3/2019 09:44:56 am

Thanks Dave. I'll have a look! :)

Joëlle Gartner

4/4/2019 08:30:10 pm

Love the use of light-footed irony!

4/4/2019 08:31:11 pm

Hi Joëlle. Do you have any examples you could share here? :)

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