Well-being and resilience are hot topics in the world of work at the moment. The Stockdale Paradox offers a useful psychological outlook and stance. How do you handle faith, facts and hope? ‘Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and, at the same time, confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they may be.’ (Stockdale Paradox) Someone commented recently on my ‘relentless optimism that everything will work out in the end.’ They saw this as a principle that guides my decision making, drawing on my faith as a follower of Jesus. I was a bit taken aback, partly because I had read in Jim Collins’ book, Good to Great some years ago that optimism can lead to naïve passivity in the face of challenge. On further exploration, it became clear that they meant I appear un-phased by some situations that could leave other people shaking. It’s as if I am open to, look out for, the possibility in, the opportunity in, what is. Sometimes. This is quite different to a kind of positive thinking that says things like, ‘You can be whatever you want to be’, as if personal, cultural and contextual constraints don’t exist, or, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine’ – when clearly you won’t be. Collins talks about the importance of confronting the brutal facts; that is, of actively seeking out and facing what could well look and feel like the opposite to how we would prefer things to be. In contrast to optimism or pessimism, it’s a kind of relentless realism. It demands honesty, courage, humility, and a hopeful outlook to avoid falling into paralysis or despair. Achieving this perspective, attitude and stance isn’t always as easy, however, as it may sound. Psychodynamically-speaking, leaders, teams and organisations often develop subconscious and highly-effective defence mechanisms that protect them from dealing with issues that could feel threatening or anxiety-provoking. As a consequence, it can mean that we see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear and filter everything else out – without even knowing it. This may create both risky blind spots (what we can’t see) and dangerous hot spots (what we avoid facing). To add to the complexity, according to Gestalt and social constructionist research, leaders, teams and organisations can become so focused-fixated on specific issues they consider most important that they inadvertently exclude wider perspectives or dimensions – again without realising it. This influences what they perceive as key, what they consider to be the brutal facts in relation to it, what they believe the options are and, therefore, what they decide to do in response to it. It’s as if the narratives we create function for us as as-if realities. How do you handle faith, facts and hope? How can I help you build well-being and resilience? Get in touch!
32 Comments
Kerriann Toby
11/7/2019 02:53:24 pm
Well said.
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Nick Wright
11/7/2019 02:53:38 pm
Thanks Kerriann.
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Kofi Hagan MA, DMS
11/7/2019 02:54:25 pm
Hope is the basis for coaching and reaching out for the future. It must be resident in the coach and they must offer it to their clients.
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Nick Wright
11/7/2019 02:55:31 pm
Thanks Kofi. I am reminded of Jürgen Moltmann's words: 'Hell is hopelessness.' As coach, I must believe in the possibility of change and a future, engender hope in the client by my faith in them and, at the same time, stand with them as they they grow in awareness of, face and work through their own brutal facts. It's not always easy yet, in my experience, enabling a client to discover fresh hope in the midst of challenge, anxiety or pain can be one of a coach's greatest gifts.
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Larry Serviolo
11/7/2019 05:45:34 pm
Yes, self delusion can be very effective at times.
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Nick Wright
11/7/2019 05:47:06 pm
Hi Larry. Indeed. Have you come across the book called, Leadership and Self Deception: Getting out of the Box, by the Arbinger Institute?
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Larry Serviolo
12/7/2019 11:51:48 am
Nick, it’s been on my bookshelf for years collecting dust. Thanks for the cue to finally crack it open.
Nick Wright
12/7/2019 11:52:31 am
Hi Larry. I'd be interested to hear what you make of it!
Julie Genney
11/7/2019 05:48:30 pm
It sounds really glib and this quote really resonates for me… It will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright it’s not the end.… It’s that element of possibility and when I take responsibility for myself, being at cause, then there’s always something I can do about the situation or circumstance, as the NLP, presupposition goes...choice is better than no choice!
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Nick Wright
11/7/2019 05:50:42 pm
Hi Julie. Yes, a sense of real choice can be very empowering and hope-inspiring. On that theme, you may find this short related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/choose
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Julie Genney
31/7/2019 01:31:45 pm
Nick, yes I challenge language use in my clients a lot on this...not to mention myself!
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Nick Wright
31/7/2019 01:32:43 pm
Hi Julie. Me too. I find that when I question and challenge my own language, it often changes my attitude, mood and motivation too. :)
Ilse von Hirschberg
11/7/2019 07:32:31 pm
Thanks for this post Nick. Finding that balance between our inspiration and our reality is so important. Prof. Lips-Wiersma has spent 20 years studying the effect of this balance (or imballance) on people at work. Look for her latest book the Map of Meaning (2018) for a number of practical steps organizations can take to address this.
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Nick Wright
11/7/2019 07:33:08 pm
Thanks Ilse. That sounds intriguing. I'll check it out!
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Ilse von Hirschberg
11/7/2019 07:56:27 pm
Margaret Wheatley also addresses this. There is a lovely quote from her which I can't recall exactly about how hope and fear always walk into every room together, because without one the other does not exist. We cannot hope deeply for something without also fearing it won't happen. She take a Buddhist perspective on this saying when one finds the place between hope and fear that is where we truly find peace. Peace is a place where hope and fear co-exist in balance. Simoene Wiel has a beautiful description: we live our lives caught between grace and gravity. As you can see I am rather passionate about this. In my counseling practice I find that when people learn to achieve this balance between hope and reality they achieve good mental health (in non-clinical cases, of course).
Nick Wright
11/7/2019 08:02:33 pm
Thanks Ilse. I find those perspectives on hope and fear interesting, especially the notion that, 'we cannot hope deeply for something without also fearing it won't happen.' I've heard similar references, or koans, to hope and anxiety where love and trust resolve the paradox. I would love to hear more about how you have used these insights in counseling practice. Do you have any examples you could share here, without breaching client confidentiality?
Liz Childs
11/7/2019 09:46:51 pm
Thank you for this thought provoking post. Reading it helped me recognise how I bring value to my work when I embrace both sides of this paradox, and that I am of greater help when I encourage others do so too. A helpful reminder to me to strive to have both sides in balance.
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Nick Wright
11/7/2019 09:48:12 pm
Thanks Liz. That's a good reminder for me too..!
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Nikki Swales MBACP
12/7/2019 11:42:41 am
Thought provoking Nick, it's really invited me to consider my unconscious defences within an organisational context.
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Nick Wright
12/7/2019 11:50:18 am
Thanks Nikki. That's encouraging feedback. One of the tricky things in considering unconscious defences is that they are...unconscious - and often heavily defended. On that theme, this short related piece may be of interest? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spots
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Pamela Enz
12/7/2019 12:52:57 pm
Great article. It will be interesting to reflect on this during my and watch for unconscious defenses!
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Nick Wright
12/7/2019 12:54:51 pm
Thanks Pamela! Yes, it can be difficult to spot unconscious defences because, by definition, they lay out of consciousness. You may find this short related piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/spots
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Susan Talbot
15/7/2019 11:56:01 am
Ah...but retaining faith has to be based on realism as well as optimism and hope. In the face say of creative challenges and a risk averse culture in those who whom you are trying for breakthrough it is not always clear how to maintain that faith. Sometimes it has to be the passion and belief in the what you are trying to bring about or enable that keeps you going!
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Nick Wright
15/7/2019 11:59:08 am
Hi Susan. I think the question of 'realism' is a really interesting one. Here's a case study of a person I've worked alongside whom I've often regarded as unrealistic...and yet who has nevertheless achieved amazing things based on her faith and hope: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-radical-heart.html
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Susan Talbot
15/7/2019 04:50:57 pm
...the issues of the culture...trust...risk-taking and the belief and philosophy of others are also of crucial importance in breakthroughs. also, the 'right person at the right time. Also, others are needed who believe and sense and want what you have to offer.
Nick Wright
15/7/2019 04:52:18 pm
Hi Susan. Yes, that's a great personal illustration of what I meant by, 'This is quite different to a kind of positive thinking that says things like, ‘You can be whatever you want to be’, as if personal, cultural and contextual constraints don’t exist...''
Dr. John Gibson
20/7/2019 06:55:03 pm
Hi Nick - no matter what a person believes, or not, about Jesus He was the prime example of 'facing the most brutal facts of (His) current reality' whilst retaining hope. The challenge of your current post has come along at a good time for me. It's so easy to slip into moment of despair sometimes. As you know my interest is in foster and residential care. Not easy to see the hope sometimes. Yet, it is often there or wanting to be exposed to the light. Best wishes.
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Nick Wright
20/7/2019 06:57:00 pm
Thanks John. I agree - for me too, Jesus personifies and exemplifies hope in the face of the most terrible of challenges. Thanks for the encouraging feedback. Good to hear from you!
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Marion Duff registered MBACP
23/7/2019 05:07:15 pm
Indeed the balance of opposites merge within our self, and in our practice as a therapist, carefully opening the eyes of a client to the understanding of how his/her reality grows us all to the light.
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Nick Wright
23/7/2019 05:08:23 pm
Hi Marion. That sounds mysterious and inspiring. Do you have a case example you could share here...without, of course, breaching client confidentiality?
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Marion Duff registered MBACP
23/7/2019 09:39:31 pm
Many....how a violent nature moved through to discovering the gentle forgiving aspect, and what happened in the character on uniting these two aspects...How another through truth met the lier within himself....how the power driven one met the powerless aspect, which the intellect could not resolve, but a sense of letting go and letting "God" enabled the change she sought....etc...most therapists witness the marvel of discovering reality beyond the idealistic view point in being a therapist.
Nick Wright
23/7/2019 09:40:30 pm
Thanks Marion. Those sound like examples of profound change. Leave a Reply. |
Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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