Story

5/10/2019

'The brain is constantly searching for patterns to make sense of its experience. Inside your brain is the story of you.' (Nick Marson)

We all have a story.

As we look back over our lives, some people, relationships, events and experiences really stand out. Everything else fades out of memory, as if into an invisible backdrop. We subconsciously draw lines between those things that stand out to us, like dot-to-dot, and the picture that emerges becomes, for us, our life story. In this sense, the story is always a summary, an edited version, a glimpse.

What stands out is often that which carried strong emotional content for us, or represented who or what really mattered to us at the time, or resonates deeply in some way with who or what really matters to us now, or with how we are feeling now – often out of awareness. In this way, the story-past we tell ourselves may well reveal someone or something important about our story-now.

A story is one possible construct-configuration. Imagine, for instance, if we were to work with a client in such a way that raises the not-noticed into view, or that enables them to explore the same people, relationships, events and experiences from different vantage points, or to surface and evaluate the underlying hopes, fears, beliefs, values and cultures they could signify.

What then becomes possible?

How can I help you work with your story? Get in touch! [email protected]

22 Comments

Franklin Morais

15/10/2019 10:38:32 am

Nice article, Nick! Thanks for sharing.

Nick Wright

15/10/2019 10:39:16 am

Thanks Franklin. You're welcome!

Dr Eugene Fernandez

17/10/2019 02:48:55 pm

Beautifully said, Nick. Our very current interaction becomes uniquely a multifaceted portal through which we can glimpse aspects of the 'I' and the 'we' both as a construct and as an embodiment within.

17/10/2019 02:53:51 pm

Thanks Eugene. 'As a construct and and as an embodiment.' I like that.

Katrina Goff, CAPP, CRT

17/10/2019 02:55:24 pm

I don’t think I have ever consider the “my story” in working with a company. Powerful! Thank you for sharing.

17/10/2019 02:56:05 pm

Thanks for the encouraging response, Katrina. You're welcome!

E.G.Sebastian - CPC, CSL

17/10/2019 02:57:42 pm

I was just telling my daughter this morning, "I will never feel bad about anything that'll happen in my life! In the moment we judge something as bad, horrible, or even tragic, yet years later we realize that "bad thing" was the best thing that ever happened to us."

In my story that I told her, the "tragedy" that happened to me (I was forced to leave my 2-month old first born and had to move to another country - not by choice) felt like a total tragedy - the worst thing that ever happened to me. Yet, later this turned out to be the best thing that happened to me - something that shaped my entire life and allows me to be at peace with who I am. The thought of not going through that experience even scares me... [my wife and child followed me 4 months later, and we spent 1-year in Hungary - even tried to settle there, but we couldn't get her a "green card.]

Long story short: if we can help our clients see that everything that happens are just experiences and they are bad or good only because in the moment we judge them as such... I think that's a tremendous "gift" to give.

17/10/2019 03:04:06 pm

Hi E.G. and thanks for sharing such a profound example from personal experience. I'm pleased you are able to look back with such a positive outlook on what happened. I was invited last week to speak at a 'University of the 3rd Age' event for retired professionals. I called my talk, 'Ripple Effects'. I shared glimpses from my own personal life story and reflections on how we can't know or understand all the implications of what happens or of what we experience at the time. It's often only later, in retrospect, that we are able to see the 'gift'.

Julie Genney

17/10/2019 03:05:16 pm

Love that ‘gift’ idea of experience...a wonderful reframe.

17/10/2019 03:14:36 pm

Hi Julie. I agree. :)

17/10/2019 04:21:43 pm

So true... "often only later, in retrospect, that we are able to see the 'gift'."

Though, I do think that it's a "higher level consciousness" (or some other cool word/phrase) to NOT wait for hindsight to kick in, but rather drop our judgment and just "be" - "be in the moment" and let experiences unfold, without judging them as bad... or even as good --- though, I'm 100% FOR rejoicing when good things happen... except, yes, some of these great things can later turn out later to be total "flops"... like this little girl who got a 4-wheeler for her birthday... was the best day of her life... except a week later she rolled over and died... unfortunately true story :( --- or when I met this amazing girl and she said "yes" - went out on a date with me... and ended up dating... then she turned into a possessive, obsessive, constantly-arguing person... At first, I thought she was the greatest thing that happened to me; a few months later I "cursed the day" I met her, thought it was the worse day... then now I'm grateful to her, as she helped me appreciate my amazing wife at way higher levels ❤

17/10/2019 04:27:08 pm

Hi E.G. Yes - I agree totally. It's one reason why prayer is so important to me in my life and work - an openness to a 'higher' perspective, and other dimensions of the here and now, that can truly change everything. You reminded me of this short related piece: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/maybe. Maybe. :)

19/10/2019 12:37:33 pm

Exactly, Nick Wright - I agree 1000% with the "taoist maybe." Unfortunately, at least a dozen times, in the past 20+ years, i was in situations where things happened around me or to me, where I stayed cool/cold/calm/emotionlesss like a frozen fish, only later to think... "Hmm... I should have really punched that guy" or "I should have really 'put that guy in its place' " (I should have yelled at the person and wake them up to what a jerk they were); or some other reaction that I thought I should have unleashed.

The slight ocasional problem with not seeing some things as problems (or 'bad' or 'good') is that sometimes we underreact to things that we should (perhaps) have a reaction to.

I probably disclosed this in the past, I used to have a temper issue as a child and teen; and starting in my late teens - and most of my life - (through meditation and autosuggestion) I fell in the opposite spectrum. Now I'm too calm... One major drawback, perhaps: as a parent, that's good, but sometimes kids take advantage of my "calm" and non-reaction-to-trouble attitude. (on the bright side, I broke the chain of abuse - I've never spanked my kids, nor do I yell at them, yet still managed to raise some amazing high-achieving kids).

19/10/2019 12:51:19 pm

Hi E.G. Woah - more profound insights! That set my mind whirring. Yes, I too can think of situations where I have under-reacted where on reflection, perhaps, I should have acted more forcefully or decisively. I'm reflecting now on why I didn't at the time.

I'm also reminded of colleagues in NGOs who have worked in cultures in some parts of the world that, as Westerners, we would regard as 'passive'...and the implications that this has had for what we would regard as 'development'.

Perhaps 'bad' or 'good' are less helpful framings than, say, a recognition that any action or inaction is likely to have unintended consequences that can't be fully known or understood at the time.

The paradox this creates is how to act wisely in the moment so that we don't become overly-passive or paralysed...whilst also knowing that we can't possibly know or predict all the implications of that action, including systemically and over time?

20/10/2019 01:27:26 pm

Amen to that, Nick!
While later we think that we should have reacted (or acted) differently/assertively/at times I wish I reacted aggressively - you are right, that one different action could have led us down onto a completely different path in life (what if the other guy has a gun or brings one back later; or a conflict escalates and I use my "iron fists' and I end up in jail; etc.)

I am who I am today - and I am where I am in life, and geographically (in a place that I LOVE) - as a result of all of my past actions (and inaction). I'm grateful for this path and accept it fully (only wish could go back and punch one or two guys and be able to come back to this same place :) - just kidding... I think :) )

20/10/2019 01:34:45 pm

😎

John (Norval) Settle

17/10/2019 03:06:15 pm

. . . and the intersection of our stories is where we often find a place for mediation. You can learn more about this from the book: "Practicing Narrative Mediation -- Loosening the Grip of Conflict," by John Winslade and Gerald Monk.

17/10/2019 03:07:31 pm

Thanks John. That's a good insight on 'intersection' and thanks for the book reference. It sounds interesting and useful.

Aramide Akisanya

17/10/2019 03:08:44 pm

Anything becomes possible.

17/10/2019 03:09:53 pm

Thanks Aramide. Yes, this is, for me, the powerful potential in social constructionism. Change the narrative, change everything.

Rhondre Giscombe

17/10/2019 03:11:07 pm

The memories that last are the memories that have grown us. Don't you think so?

17/10/2019 03:13:14 pm

Hi Rhondre. That's an interesting question. Perhaps those are the memories that stand out to us, if personal growth is something that matters to us?

Story

Leave a Reply.

Nick Wright

Archives

Categories

Story

Leave a Reply.

​Nick Wright

​Archives

Categories

Nick Wright

Archives