‘The teacher works with the students; the students work on the language.’ (Caleb Gattegno) The Silent Way. It sounds like a monastic tradition. As a student at International House Newcastle last week, I was invited by teachers, Sally Muse and Jane-Maria Harding da Rosa, to lead a teaching-English class in…silence. The experiment was to demonstrate and experience the power of silence in a learning process. It can sound counter-intuitive for leaders, managers and trainers who are used to directing, guiding and imparting knowledge. It involves evoking, eliciting and enabling discovery with minimal input and interference from the teacher. I led the class without speaking a word. So now I’m thinking about leadership, OD, coaching, mentoring and training. The Silent Way calls for discernment, discipline and self-restraint, providing just-enough input where needed so that people are able to focus, grasp, struggle-with and find their own way forward. The image come to mind of a parent stepping back, letting go, coaxing with gestures and smiles as a child takes its first steps. It’s hard at first yet, in overcoming the barriers, in achieving the task, the child finds courage, confidence and new abilities. The parent offers challenge and support but it’s the child who walks. There are useful parallels here in e.g. coactive leadership, process consultation, non-directive facilitation and coaching. It’s not always about holding absolute silence. It is about having a clear intention; paying attention to who is doing the talking and why; noticing what the impacts are on the relationship, the person’s growth and the outcomes. Very often, listening and minimal prompts are good and enough: e.g. ‘So?’, ‘And?’, ‘Then?’, ‘Who?’, ‘What else?’, ‘Next?’ You can almost see and hear the cogs whirring. Do you ever say too much when silence could achieve a better result?
38 Comments
Richard Simpson
1/10/2018 09:10:20 am
Hi Nick - wish I'd known you were in Newcastle. I live here! Hope you enjoyed your visit. And yes, silence can be powerful. It creates a space for personal growth and enlightenment - it must have been quite a challenge for you in the context of language learning!
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Nick Wright
1/10/2018 11:04:33 am
Hi Richard. The course was full on and involved pretty much 18 hours a day work/travel for 7 days a week for a month. It was seriously intense - but well worth it! I enjoyed The Silent Way because it calls for creative means of communication and resonates, for me, with ideas and approaches in Gestalt. Perhaps we can catch up next time I'm in Geordieland? :)
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Ian Henderson
3/10/2018 10:17:34 am
Thanks Nick. I've found that internal silence can be just as powerful, allowing us to think about what and how we are thinking.
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Nick Wright
3/10/2018 10:19:03 am
Thanks Ian. You reminded me of Nancy Kline's 'Time to Think.'
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Ipek Ozer Yilmaz
5/10/2018 01:03:29 pm
Well, I practiced a lot until I become totally comfortable with it. Takes time, I guess. But now, it's a very important part of my coaching sessions. It allows me to feel what the client is not saying.
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Nick Wright
5/10/2018 01:04:37 pm
Hi Ipek. I like how you expressed that: silence 'allows me to feel what the client is not saying.'
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E.G.Sebastian - CPC, CSL
5/10/2018 01:05:35 pm
Thanks for the reminder, Nick :) In my first year (or two), I was filling out a "performance analysis" form after each of my coaching sessions, keeping track of what went well; areas I needed to improve; etc. Listening deeply - and better - was my #1 area where I constantly needed to do better.
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Nick Wright
5/10/2018 01:09:29 pm
Thanks for such an honest response - as usual - E.G. Yes, the main feedback I had from a TEFL course I took part in September was to practise 'eliciting more' and 'explaining less'. I think the same could apply to my mentoring work too!
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Marie-Christine Lammers
5/10/2018 01:10:53 pm
Big challenge for me! Definitely a skill to improve as I am personally anguished by so called void... although I can so much see how rich and full silence can be;-) and I am sure it brings surprising results...
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Nick Wright
5/10/2018 01:12:47 pm
Thanks Marie-Christine. I love your honesty! On the 'void', have you seen a book called, 'The Fertile Void' by John Leary-Joyce?
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Marie-Christine Lammers
5/10/2018 04:02:31 pm
No not yet but I will look it up. Well you see, I learnt to allow silences more and more in my practice as coach and therapist although I have this inner drive to make noise, jump around, pump a lot of energy... at times it is fitting, and clients or friends tell me they appreciate that since I seem able to break ice, brighten up places and people but on the other hand it may come over as invasive, as abundant, in worst case « superficial » which conflicts with what I believe being my inner values. So I work a lot on « sobriety », minimalism and less is more kind of actions and thinking.... but given the length of my reply, you can easily imagine how I am.... (talkative! LOL 😂 ). Thank you for your sources and inspiration!
Nick Wright
5/10/2018 04:04:53 pm
Hi Marie-Christine. You made me laugh! :) Tell me what you think of this short related piece..? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/light-crispy-spicy
Marie-Christine Lammers
5/10/2018 09:03:03 pm
I loooooove it!! (Jump jump! ) :-)
Nick Wright
6/10/2018 06:50:24 pm
Yeay! :)
Anne Allen
5/10/2018 01:14:08 pm
I have never thought of leading in silence. Definitely a cool experiment and something worth learning to help make more effective leaders.
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Nick Wright
5/10/2018 01:15:54 pm
Hi Anne. Yes, I wonder how often, as leaders, we say too much. You may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/un-clear
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Leonard Heflich
5/10/2018 01:16:57 pm
Interesting experiment. This is such an essential skill for a balanced leader to develop. It isn't always about talking. Sometimes the leader must let the team figure things out on their own but also listen to their team when needed...and truly listen.
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Nick Wright
5/10/2018 01:18:18 pm
Thanks Leonard. I like how you expressed that.
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Oliver Lee
6/10/2018 06:31:41 pm
"Silence is golden, speech is silver" - a phrase that every leader should keep in mind... Nick, the experiment sounds fascinating, it must have been a great experience to be part of... Very often I see leaders ask someone a question, and then immediately give their answer before they listen to anyone else's answer - this destroys confidence and free-thought... Great input Nick, thanks for sharing :)
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Nick Wright
6/10/2018 06:35:53 pm
Thanks Oliver. Yes, it was a fascinating experience. It was also my first experience of using cuisenaire rods as a communication tool with a group. :)
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Alexandra Bitrin
6/10/2018 06:37:26 pm
Very interesting approach and experience! Thanks to share it!
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Nick Wright
6/10/2018 06:38:02 pm
Thanks Alexandra. You're welcome!
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Scott Hay
6/10/2018 06:39:11 pm
Love the power of silence in coaching and would always encourage coaches, new coaches in particular, to become comfortable with allowing silence. That’s when the magic happens!
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Nick Wright
6/10/2018 06:44:33 pm
Hi Scott. Yes, there's a skill and discernment in holding the silence...just enough...and not giving in to the need to say something, often out of a need to feel or be perceived as useful.
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Mikki Gates, SHRM - SCP
6/10/2018 06:51:27 pm
Everyday I say too much! I am always having to remind myself to allow others to lead the conversation. :-)
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Nick Wright
6/10/2018 06:52:57 pm
Hi Mikki. I sometimes carry that risk too! :)
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Armando Chavez
8/10/2018 11:23:15 am
Agree 100% The way I apply silence on my calls is by listening with intent. This is a powerful skill that allows me to connect in a deeper way with my prospects.
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Nick Wright
8/10/2018 11:25:36 am
Thanks Armando. I find it interesting to notice what silence can evoke in the other - the process that silence can draw the other person into.
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Kathrin
8/10/2018 06:17:13 pm
Letzte Woche machte ich mit meiner Klasse das "Silent Experiment". Am Ende waren die meisten Schüler und auch ich begeistert. "Ich konnte viel besser arbeiten und habe mehr geschafft! Ich konnte mich viel mehr konzentrieren", sagten sie danach.
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Nick Wright
9/10/2018 09:13:56 pm
Hi Kathrin. Well done with trying the experiment! I was fascinated to hear of the responses you received from the children. It sounds like some children found it very useful whilst others found the silence uncomfortable. I think that is what we could expect when using the Silent Way with adults too.
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Samantha Hall
18/10/2018 04:55:39 pm
Hi Nick - this is great! I have always found that silence speaks volumes without having to speak at all.
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Nick Wright
18/10/2018 04:58:14 pm
Thanks Samantha! You've reminded me of other expressions alongside 'silence speaks volumes', e.g. 'a deafening silence'. Interesting - the power of silence.
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Ekaterina Zizevskaia
7/11/2018 02:35:08 pm
We had some exercises when we had to be silent during therapeutical session with clients (other colleagues). it was intense, indeed!
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Nick Wright
7/11/2018 02:36:19 pm
Thanks Ekaterina. I had some similar experiences when faciltiating groups with a psychotherapist. I would love to hear more about your experiences!
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EPC - ElephantProfessionalCoaching
7/11/2018 02:46:21 pm
Key concept in coaching, thanks for this reminder.
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Nick Wright
7/11/2018 02:46:48 pm
Thanks EPC. You're welcome.
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Dave Cosgrove
14/11/2018 02:54:15 pm
I think you make a really interesting point- coming from a sales management background one of my most favorite sales catchphrases is that sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing.
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Nick Wright
14/11/2018 02:56:56 pm
Thanks Dave. I think that's a very interesting point about assessment. In my experience, often silence, gestures or minimal prompts can be more evocative and useful for the client than long spoken questions.
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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