Three coaching questions

24/3/2014

What are your favourite coaching questions? I often use 3 that I’ve found can create a remarkable shift in awareness, insight and practice, especially in team coaching. I’ve applied them using variations in language and adapted them to different client issues, opportunities and challenges. They draw on principles from psychodynamic, Gestalt and solutions-focused coaching and are particularly helpful when a client or team feels stuck, unable to find a way forward.

* ‘What’s your contribution to what you are experiencing?’
* ‘What do you need, to contribute your best?’
* ‘What would it take..?’

Client: ‘These meetings feel so boring! I always leave feeling drained rather than energised.’ Coach: ‘What’s your contribution to what you are experiencing?’ Client: ‘Excuse me?’ Coach: ‘What do you do when you feel bored?’ Client: ‘I drift away, look out of the window.’ Coach: ‘What might be the impact on the wider group when you drift away?’ Client: ‘I guess others may disengage too.’ Coach: ‘How does the meeting feel when people disengage?’ Client: 'Hmmm…boring!’

Coach: ‘What do you need to contribute your best?’ Client: ‘It would help certainly if we could negotiate and agree the agenda beforehand, rather than focus on things that feel irrelevant.’ Coach: ‘So you want to ensure the agenda feels relevant to you. What else?’ Client: ‘If we could meet off site and break for coffee from time to time, that would feel more energising.’ Coach: ‘So venue and breaks make a difference too. Anything else?’ Client: ‘No, that’s it.’

Client: ‘I don’t think I can influence where and how these meetings are held.’ Coach: ‘It sounds like you feel quite powerless. How would you rate your level of influence on a scale of 1-10?’ Client: ‘Around 3’. Coach: ‘What would it take to move it up to a 6 or 7?’ Client: ‘I guess if I showed more support in the meetings, the leader may be more open to my suggestions.’ Coach: ‘What else would it take?’ Client: ‘I could work on building my relationship with the leader outside of meetings too.’

These type of questions can help a client grow in awareness of the interplay between intrapersonal, interpersonal and group dynamics, his or her impact within a wider system, what he or she needs to perform well and how to influence the system itself. They can also shift a person or team from mental, emotional and physical passivity to active, optimistic engagement. What are your favourite coaching questions? How have you used them and what happened as a result?

48 Comments

Paul Hitchen

25/3/2014 02:51:54 am

Nick, that's an interest comment, why do say that? :-)

Nick Wright

27/3/2014 01:46:32 am

Thanks Paul. Clever. ;)

Jo link

25/3/2014 05:09:02 am

Nick, love the first question on what is your contribution. I will keep that one in my back pocket.

One of my favorite mindshifting questions is "what is the question I *should* be asking you?" If the client is dodging an issue this one often makes them laugh and 'fess up!

Thanks for this.

27/3/2014 01:48:29 am

Thanks Jo. I think that's an excellent question! With best wishes. Nick

Rob Kemp

25/3/2014 06:21:01 am

My favorite questions are those that are made in response to the coachees specific situation and need at the time. I don't believe in 'killer questions' or specific questioning approaches that unlock anything. If coaching were about a set of questions that 'did the job' that would be great, eh? We could just train up some young people (as they need the work) with their question toolkit, and they could be our coaches. The premise of any question holding power is a false one.... questions only hold power or utility in the right context. It is the coaches experience, knowledge, skill, being present in the moment, making choices and reflecting in action that make questions fly or fail, no?

Mark Godfrey

25/3/2014 06:23:01 am

Rob, I agree with almost all that you say, but you sound as if you think your approach is at odds with Nick's. I would suggest that there is a 'killer question' toolkit that can be used when the context demands. In other words, integrating your approach to Nick's rather than seeing things as an either/or dichotomy.

25/3/2014 06:24:43 am

Hi Mark - it sounds like I'm at odds with this approach (not Nick himself, of course!), because I think I am.

I am opposed to the notion that there is any sort of lock/key scenario, that any question is 'right' or that, any form or use of words is correct (or even that any theoretical approach to coaching can claim super-efficacy!). It is in the formation of a frame, a question, a choice of words, the use of a statement, the use of silence.. all of these and more that form what Funmi calls the 'essence' of what we can offer as coaches.

To delve a little further.... are these questions always 'the same'?... no matter who asks them, in what context, with what intonation, in what physical space, at what point in the coaching relationship, with rapport or without.... I could go on?

Of course they are not - which is one reason why this subject, as presented, is a reductionist position for coaching skills and approaches.

So, am I absolutely sure about this. Well yes. Today I am. But we are all 'making it up as we go along', I'm told.... so ask me tomorrow and I could occupy an entirely different position. :-)

Lynn Scott

25/3/2014 02:04:48 pm

Rob, I'm with you. My coach mentor once said to me that the best question is one you only ever use once - with that client. Because it is only relevant to them, in that moment, using their words. That was a really powerful light bulb for me.

Funmi Johnson

25/3/2014 06:23:45 am

Actually, I think these 3 questions distill the essence of what we can offer as coaches. Whether we phrase them differently, whether we change the order or when we ask them, ultimately, we are asking clients to reflect on the situation they find themselves in and identify a way forward.

Shirley Gaston

25/3/2014 06:30:35 am

Interesting article. I do love the old, 'if you did know the answer, what would it be?' ;)

Ger Driesen

25/3/2014 01:52:18 pm

Very nice post Nick, thanks for sharing.
To react on your question: besides all kind of questions I often use an 'invitation' when I see people are thinking but not telling: 'please tell me what you're thinking'.Thinking out loud is what helps both of us. And it reminds me of this funny video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR0lWICH3rY

27/3/2014 01:57:39 am

Hi Ger and thanks for the note. Yes, I find 'inviting' important too. It avoids the client feeling forced and creates freedom of movement and connection within what sometimes feels like a creative dance. Thanks for sharing the video. Having spent some time in Germany, it made me smile! :) Nick

27/3/2014 01:50:25 am

Hi Shirley. I really like that question. It stimulates the client's own insight and creativity. It reminds me of similar paradoxical questions in Gestalt coaching such as, 'What are you not noticing?' With best wishes. Nick

25/3/2014 02:53:34 pm

Whilst the very best question may be one that you only ever use once, I would challenge any coach to only ever use any question once! In reality we all have 'favourite' questions - ones that work well if used at the right time. Even if we adjust the phrasing for different clients they are, essentially, the same question. Jenny Rogers refers to them as 'magic' questions.

Ken Millard

26/3/2014 07:14:47 am

Nice article Nick. Thanks.
I have used "How does that make you feel?" and "How do you think that affects other people?" to good effect.

Tom Sand

26/3/2014 10:11:06 am

First, I read lots of closed end questions. I seldom use.
My favorite question, "tell me more."

Jose Astorga

27/3/2014 01:42:52 am

1. HOW are you?
2. What do yo want to do?
3. How long you´ll take to arrive to this place?
4. What are your options?

best regards

Rosalind Spigel MSOD

27/3/2014 01:44:00 am

"What is your life for?"

Carol Leek

27/3/2014 01:44:44 am

My top three questions that I LOVE hearing the answers to are:

What is the end result that you want to achieve?
If you DID know, what would the answer be?
And one of my favorites... How's that working out for you?

How about you? What are your top 3 favorites?

Barry Johnson

27/3/2014 03:22:30 am

Where do I send the invoice?

27/3/2014 03:23:14 am

Haha, Barry - love it! :)

Edwina Love Lawrence

27/3/2014 04:36:31 am

Hello Nick

The question of questions ? Ideally questions grow from the interaction between coach and client. I find if I get too excited about "what to ask next" the connection is broken to a greater or lesser extent. Sometimes silence is the best option. I know though that for me there continues to be a tension between tuning right in and working from there and the desire to come up with something signature presence ish. Tuning in almost always works better because any questions are to do with the client's needs not mine. hope this helps ?

Bev Bookless

27/3/2014 04:37:40 am

This might sound completely unfocused, but when there are lots of issues coming out and I'm feeling confused it's often a sign that the coachee is too. So I ask the question: 'That's interesting, tell me more about that.' I find that what is the most prominent or figure issue them starts to emerge.

Christer Larsson

27/3/2014 07:52:22 am

Thank you Nick. Very useful. What your contribution to what you are experiencing is a favorite of mine. Its easy to distance yourself, think of yourself as only being on the receiving end, rather than turn it around and think about how you can affect it.

Teresa Ewington

27/3/2014 08:57:32 am

I love - 'what determines what shoes you buy'? It's a lovely start to a coaching session and it's not what someone's expecting at all. It tells me huge amounts about who i'm working with. Try it, look at your shoes and answer the question. It's pretty revealing...

27/3/2014 08:58:38 am

Teresa, They need to be functional, go with many different pairs of trousers and don't show dirt to easily.

Simon King MCIPD

28/3/2014 01:59:15 am

Nick, I have always been a big fan of the 'on a scale of 1-10' question swiftly followed up by the 'what would it take ...' intervention. Here are some ideas for other questions:

If money was no object, what would be the ideal solution to your challenge?

What part of that solution could you implement with the resources already at your disposal?

What is the next step in terms of making that happen?

When could you take that first step?

Andrew Rea

28/3/2014 03:21:00 am

I love your three questions, Nick.
My personal favourite is "what else?" - it opens up so many more possibilities.
Cheers
Andrew

Art Alvarez MS SPHR

28/3/2014 08:20:46 am

Great article: I think that as coaches we need to ask more open ended question that help people/teams come to conclusions themselves. My experience has been that the more I force a response or provide "the answer" the more the person/team pushes back.

P J Larsen

1/4/2014 02:53:35 am

I like this, too.
I bet you get interesting answers

Terrence Seamon

1/4/2014 03:05:47 am

Well done, Nick! 3 simple yet powerful questions, well illustrated.

Geoffrey Morton-Haworth

1/4/2014 03:06:23 am

As my friend Ioan always says: the best question is to listen, and th best answer is "I don't know".

But if I have to have a favourite then: "what is going on here?"

John

3/4/2014 06:36:08 am

I love these questions, and the overall sequence. Thanks for sharing. One of my favorites is, "What would you like more of...?"

Andy Rogers

4/4/2014 06:11:58 am

This is a very interesting article, thanks for sharing. One of my favourite question's is "what are you ignoring?"

Helen Collins

4/4/2014 06:42:58 am

Great post. It's insightful to learn about the preferred questions others use... one of my favourite questions would be "If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do?"

Corey Petersen

4/4/2014 12:48:17 pm

Thank you for the thought provoking article, Nick. I love this topic.

One of my favorite questions is: "How can I best help you?" or "What would be the most helpful for you at this time?"

There are related to questions 2 and 3. Sometimes clients simply are not ready to be led down a certain path. At other times, clients need to be mentally prepared for coaching and help - otherwise, we simply will not be making the impact we hope with to have with them.

In addition to good questions, another important principle is asking open ended questions without a specific end goal or answer in mind. Thoughts here?

Thanks again!

Jengiz Gocer

11/4/2014 08:27:52 am

The more specific the coaching purpose the more creative the questions may become.
" what would be a question that the client knows that has no answers that s/he knows for sure" That brings us to the boundaries of knowing.

Jan Zuchowski link

14/4/2014 04:55:12 am

Interesting thread - thanks for the great questions, Nick. The best coaching questions are the ones that inspire the person to take ownership of the issue.

Alison Bunn

23/4/2014 10:00:12 am

How do you think? Many people make decisions, plan or strategize but don't really 'think' or understand how they think - it is useful to develop people's thinking skills. It's old now but De Bono's work is very useful.

Sue Dadswell

25/4/2014 08:15:59 am

'What would you like to drink?'

(Actually I like your three questions and I am going to use them)

Tina Cini

27/4/2014 07:42:31 am

Hi Nick, some great questions. I also have a bank of questions that I use when coaching 1 on 1. One of my first is "What do you need from this session today"? often the responses I get are very different to what I had in mind so allows me to re-frame and align our expectations. I also feel the scaling questions that you have mentioned can be extremely effective, they work really well for a highly visual person when you can actually draw a quick scale and ask them to take the pen and show where they are now, then ask what it looks like to be a higher number. The "Miracle" question is similar when you ask "if you were to wake up tomorrow and everything was perfect, what does that look like?" It often creates interesting discussions. As a behavioral coach I feel it is crucial to have a multitude of questions within our toolkit but having a few favorites that almost always creates quality conversations is very handy. Thanks for sharing :-)

Nicola Muller

29/4/2014 10:43:09 am

What is not working for you?
What could you have done differently in this situation that would have made it have a different outcome?
Are there any more tools/information/education that you need that would empower you to make more informed decisions in the future.
I only manage staff, but my approach comes from a place of coaching(of course, the staff member has to have initiative or desire to improve). If this is missing, I may be forced to simply discipline.

Jason Brandt

1/5/2014 04:10:59 am

What is going well for you?

Anne Vibeke Friis Nielsen

18/5/2014 05:18:52 am

What are you doing right now?
What is the benefit to you in doing so? (something my client is dissatisfied with whom he / she does over and over again)
What is worse for you that you will have your wish fulfilled or you're not getting your wish granted?
What is the difference between guilt and shame for you? and in the same way body image / body awareness and self-confidence / self-esteem, etc.
What went right for in this situation - and why do you think it became so.

Vanessa Cartagena

18/5/2014 05:30:29 am

Why do we do what we are doing now?

Razi Ghaemmagham Farahani

19/5/2014 03:35:15 am

What?

Eleanor Hooks link

21/5/2014 01:33:11 pm

Perhaps there are endless numbers of questions, even those with no clear answers.

Lakshmi link

26/11/2014 12:12:13 am

Amazing questions Nick!
I asked myself! Very interesting!

Thanks for sharing!

I remembered an instance when I interviewed an employee. I asked him "What's going on well" and he mentioned "Nothing". For most of my questions he answered negatively. I wish I could have asked this first question that time.

Regards,
Lakshmi