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Use of self in coaching

24/2/2014

54 Comments

 
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​I took my mountain bike for repairs last week after pretty much wrecking it off road. In the same week, I was invited to lead a session on ‘use of self’ in coaching. I was struck by the contrast in what makes a cycle mechanic effective and what makes the difference in coaching. The bike technician brings knowledge and skill and mechanical tools. When I act as coach I bring knowledge and skills too - but the principal tool is my self.

Who and how I am can have a profound impact on the client. This is because the relationship between the coach and client is a dynamically complex system. My values, mood, intuition, how I behave in the moment…can all influence the relationship and the other person. It works the other way too. I meet the client as a fellow human being and we affect each other. Noticing and working with with these effects and dynamics can be revealing and developmental.

One way of thinking about a coaching relationship is as a process with four phases: encounter, awareness, hypothesis and intervention. These phases aren’t completely separate in practice and don’t necessarily take place in linear order. However, it can provide a simple and useful conceptual model to work from. I’ll explain each of the four phases below, along with key questions they aim to address, and offer some sample phrases.

At the encounter phase, the coach and client meet and the key question is, ‘What is the quality of contact between us?’ 

The coach will focus on being mentally and emotionally present to the client…really being there. He or she will pay particular attention to empathy and rapport, listening and hearing the client and, possibly, mirroring the client’s posture, gestures and language. The coach will also engage in contracting, e.g. ‘What would you like us to focus on?’, ‘What would a great outcome look and feel like for you?’, ‘How would you like us to do this?’

(If you saw the BBC Horizon documentary on placebos last week, the notion of how a coach’s behaviour can impact on the client’s development or well-being will feel familiar. In the TV programme, a doctor prescribed the same ‘medication’ to two groups of patients experiencing the same physical condition. The group he behaved towards with warmth and kindness had a higher recovery rate than the group he treated with clinical detachment).

At the awareness phase, the coach pays attention to observing what he or she is experiencing whilst encountering the client. The key question is, ‘What am I noticing?’

The coach will pay special attention to e.g. what he or she sees or hears, what he or she is thinking, what pictures come to mind, what he or she is feeling. The coach may then reflect it back as a simple observation, e.g. ‘I noticed the smile on your face and how animated you looked as you described it.’ ‘As you were speaking, I had an image of carrying a heavy weight…is that how it feels for you?’ ‘I can’t feel anything...do you (or others) know how you are feeling?’

(Some schools, e.g. Gestalt or person-centred, view this type of reflecting or mirroring as one of the most important coaching interventions. It can raise awareness in the client and precipitate action or change without the coach or client needing to engage in analysis or sense-making. There are resonances in solutions-focused coaching too where practitioners comment that a person doesn’t need to understand the cause of a problem to resolve it).

At the hypothesis stage, the coach seeks to understand or make sense of what is happening. The key question is, ‘What could it mean?’

The coach will reflect on his or her own experience, the client’s experience and the dynamic between them. The coach will try to discern and distinguish between his or her own ‘stuff’ and that of the client, or what may be emerging as insight into the client’s wider system (e.g. family, team or organisation). The coach may pose tentative reflections, e.g. ‘I wonder if…’, ‘This pattern could indicate…’, ‘I am feeling confused because the situation itself is confusing.’

(Some schools, e.g. psychodynamic or transactional analysis, view this type of analysis or sense-making as one of the most important coaching interventions. According to these approaches, the coach brings expert value to the relationship by offering an explanation or interpretation of what’s going on in such a way that enables the client to better understand his or he own self or situation and, thereby, ways to deal with it).

At the intervention phase, the coach will decide how to act in order to help the client move forward. Although the other three phases represent interventions in their own right, this phase is about taking deliberate actions that aim to make a significant shift in e.g. the client’s insight, perspective, motivation, decisions or behaviour. The interventions could take a number of forms, e.g. silence, reflecting back, summarising, role playing or experimentation.

Throughout this four-phase process, the coach may use ‘self’ in a number of different ways. In the first phase, the coach tunes empathetically into the client’s hopes and concerns, establishing relationship. In the second, the coach observes the client and notices how interacting with the client impacts on him or herself. The coach may reflect this back to the client as an intervention, or hold it as a basis for his or her own hypothesising and sense-making. 

In the third, the client uses learned knowledge and expertise to create understanding. In the fourth, the coach presents silence, questions or comments that precipitate movement. In schools such as Gestalt, the coach may use him or herself physically, e.g. by mirroring the client’s physical posture or movement or acting out scenarios with the client to see what emerges. In all areas of coaching practice, the self is a gift to be used well and developed continually.

54 Comments
Eugene Fernandez
26/2/2014 12:50:20 am

Thank you Nick, this is a beautifully written blog about the complex and dynamic process between a coach and coachee. The four phases outlined resonate with what I notice in practice.
The same principle applies for AR/AL Set Advisors and Leadership in general - 'who you are' within all its contexts forms part of the co-creative journey. Both Bandura and Yalom talk about the role of the therapist in modelling certain behaviours and that imitation is in of itself an effective therapeutic force.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 07:45:46 am

Hi Eugene and thanks for such encouraging feedback. I like your emphasis on co-creating and role modelling. Role modelling certainly has its own influence on the client, whether the practitioner is aware of it or not. I would love to hear more about your experienced - how you approached a situation and what happened as a result. With best wishes. Nick

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Graham Beattie
26/2/2014 12:51:08 am

Great article Nick. A coach's primary resource is his/her self. Your question raises for me the critical role emotional intelligence plays in being an effective coach.Using Daniel Goleman's categories, EQ comprises self awareness, self management, social awareness and relationship management. Unless coaches are fully aware of their own emotional and behavioural responses and manage those in a way that constructively builds the relationship with their coachees thereby creating a safe and trustworthy environment, they will not be able to give their best to the client.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 07:47:15 am

Thanks Graham - I think you draw an important connection with emotional intelligence as critical to the coach's insight and practice. With best wishes. Nick

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Helga Matzko
26/2/2014 12:52:27 am

To use the Self in Coaching is an often ignored reality in coaching classes. Of course, a coach would want to be sensitive with the client, but all too often that ingredient is missing and replaced by offering solutions to problems. Coaching is a mutual process whereby the coach uses his SElf and by that assists the client to become curious in himself and further his development.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 07:49:28 am

I agree, Helga. Many coaching courses focus on models (e.g. GROW) or techniques (e.g. framing questions) rather than the role 'self' does and can play in the coaching process. I like your emphasis on enabling the client to become curious as part of his or her development. Do you have any examples of how you have achieved this in practice? With best wishes. Nick

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Bob Larcher
26/2/2014 12:54:54 am

My first reaction is that leadership is all about self; it's about BEING leadership and not simply DOING leadership.

Self doesn't (or shouldn't) simply equate to "ego" (in the exaggerated self-esteem sense of ego); self is very much about "being the message" and not just "the messenger"

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 07:50:52 am

Hi Bob. I agree there is a marked distinction between use of self in the service of the client and being self-centred or egotistical. With best wishes. Nick

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Dervish Yashar Baha
26/2/2014 12:56:01 am

The answer is positive thinking, motivation and solution oriented mindset.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 07:51:39 am

Thanks for the comment, Dervish. Do you have any examples you would be willing to share from practice? With best wishes. Nick

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Dervish Yashar BAHA
1/10/2017 02:25:49 pm

Nelson Mandella's advice to South Africans and his mindset after many years in jail.

Terrence Seamon
27/2/2014 03:55:04 am

Good one, Nick. I enjoyed your stage model of coaching.

For anyone interested in delving further into use of self in OD:

http://www.equalvoice.com/use_of_self.pdf

Some more thoughts later....

Reply
Nick Wright
23/3/2014 07:59:22 am

Thanks Terrence - and for sharing the helpful link. With best wishes. Nick

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Terrence Seamon
27/2/2014 11:52:05 am

The "use of self" is a basic concept of organization development as I have learned it in my education and in my experience. "Basic stuff" as Robert Crosby might say. It's your primary tool, which is You.

Here is what Charlie Seashore and his colleagues said: "Perhaps the powerful instrument we have in helping our clients navigate change is ourselves."

Use of self in consulting means many things including self-awareness and choicefulness, as Seashore and his co-authors point out in the pdf above.

How do you develop that 'tool?' In a nutshell, through intentional development of the Self in "the use of self." This is where T-group and similar methods comes in. Through such group training methods, you learn a great deal about yourself, and about your relations with others.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 08:03:06 am

Hi Terrence. Yes, I've learned similarly over the years that one of the greatest influences and contributions we can bring in OD is ourselves. One leader fed back to me last week: 'You bring an intangible magic into the room that makes all the difference.' I felt very encouraged by that, even it it's hard to record in monthly business stats!

Your comments about development of the self reminded me of insights in social psychology - we learn who are are and what we are like by exposing ourselves to different experiences and noticing how we respond, and by seeking feedback from others. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Pip Bruce Ferguson
27/2/2014 04:58:47 pm

Great posting, Nick - thanks for the sharing.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 08:03:44 am

Thanks Pip! With best wishes. Nick

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Dr Cheryl-Marie Hansberger
28/2/2014 08:46:49 am

I have also found 360s as a valuable tool, for both myself and for coaching purposes. An effective 360 should come with coaching sessions opening the door to valuable discussion opportunities for self in OD.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 12:02:51 pm

Hi Cheryl-Marie. Thanks for the note. Yes, 360 feedback can be a useful tool for raising self-awareness, especially if accompanied by coaching. With best wishes. Nick

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Robert Crosby
28/2/2014 10:20:30 am

Yes to Nick and Terrance. Well stated and germain to my concentration in OD work which has the T-Group as it's core.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 08:05:35 am

Hi Robert. Tell us more about the T-Group and how you approach it? With best wishes. Nick

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Robert Crosby
25/3/2014 02:48:43 am

Nick, My article, "The T-Group as Cutting edge-Today? Really" was in the Fall ODPractitioner. I just completed , ''The Heart of the T-Group". These would answer your request. E-Mail me for them: robertp@crosbyod.com

Carter McNamara MBA PhD
2/3/2014 12:17:32 pm

I've written a basic "manual" about understanding yourself as an instrument of change (it's pretentious to even suggest that there's a manual for such a very complex subject :-)

It's at
http://managementhelp.org/misc/fp-self.pdf
and it ends with a set of questions to help you reflect about yourself.

We also do a virtual course about Understanding Yourself as Consultant, at
http://www.consultantsdevelopmentinstitute.org/webinars/people-practices/self/understand-yourself.htm

Reply
Nick Wright
23/3/2014 12:04:54 pm

Hi Carter. I agree - the self is a very complex subject, especially when considered through existential and social constructionist lenses. Thanks for sharing the links. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Minecraft jugar link
4/3/2014 06:06:14 am

I really think that you can afford to train and interact with their partners to be able to adjust everything.

Reply
Nick Wright
23/3/2014 12:06:17 pm

Hi Minecraft and thanks the note. I don't think I've understood what you mean. Could you say more? With best wishes. Nick

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Friv link
5/3/2014 08:17:36 pm

Thanks Nick. Great post. This information is very useful my jobs.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 08:06:33 am

Thanks Friv - I'm pleased you found it helpful. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Funmi Ade
11/3/2014 06:08:19 am

Nice easy read. Shared in my International Coach Federation group.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 08:07:25 am

Wow - thanks Funmi. Did you glean any feedback or further insights from the ICF group? With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Francisco Yañez
14/3/2014 01:18:10 am

THE MASK OF SELF a dynamic intervention that works a couple of personality factors as self image, self concept, self esteem, body or somatotype and intelligence. I Remember we once built a mask using paper, colors, and materials to express our selves. therapist ask us "what for, you use this mask" is useful? are you ok with the mask? what the mask give you? what is hiding of your self? an so. Finally ask us ¿are you able to keep using this mask or prefer drop it away from your self? and that's the end, every one most take a decision.

Reply
Nick Wright
23/3/2014 12:08:26 pm

Hi Francisco and thanks for sharing such a creative technique. I know someone who uses a similar 'masking' idea and she has found it profoundly moving and revealing. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Hilary Armstrong
17/3/2014 02:16:34 am

Thank you Nick for a reflective and beautifully written blog about a very subtle and nuanced subject. blog. The dance of reflexivity or double loop leaning is essential for quality coaching. I agree that each of the different phases of coaching are intertwined and interconnected. We too often describe our processes in the linear terms because this is the constraint of our language. I also think that when we are working with meaning it is the space of intersubjectivity that is the arena for the dance of self/other/getting on the balcony and being on the dance floor. New coaches are often stuck in the quickstep when best practice coaching is more like a tango!

Reply
Nick Wright
24/3/2014 06:59:49 am

Hi Hilary. Thanks for such encouraging feedback. I really liked your dance imagery - very evocative. With best wishes. Nick

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Stephen Zsombok
17/3/2014 02:05:11 pm

Thanks Nick, very useful.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 08:04:36 am

Thanks for the encouraging feedback, Stephen. With best wishes. Nick

Reply
Jean-Pierre Neau
20/3/2014 06:45:02 am

Pas de Projections!!
J.P.

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Nick Wright
23/3/2014 12:09:26 pm

D'accord! Nick

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Sally Branch link
21/3/2014 03:38:58 am

What a lovely reminder that the quality of the relationship created is central to the process. I worked (still do) as an occupational therapist before becoming a coach also, and have been reminded of the 'conscious use of self' that I learned in OT school - that is being aware of and choosing to bring forwards, or keep to the background, different aspects of oneself, depending on the client and the situation. Or different aspects of persona, is perhaps a better way of putting it, as I also bring my 'self' to every encounter, as you say, Nick.

Reply
Kizi link
30/3/2014 03:01:08 am

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Dr Terence E Maltbia
7/4/2014 02:53:55 am

Nick, thanks for starting this important topic, self as instrument...

The starting point seems to be self-awareness and self-work. Understanding are core values, understanding our assumptions about people and organizations, how they learn, levers for change, what motivates people, and so on. It is important to to clarify one's mental models, worldview, of frames, as a starting point so we can bracket our point-of-view when working with our clients.

Reply
Brigid Nossal
7/4/2014 02:55:39 am

If you happen to be In Melbourne Australia, there is a very interesting short 3 day course coming up 15-17 May Coaching-In-Depth: the organisational role analysis approach. See www.nioda.org.au . Also, part of my phd thesis examined using self as instrument when working as a consultant to organisations. If you are interested I can send you the link. It's about systems psychodynamics or often referred to as the Tavistock approach - integrating psychoanalysis, group relations theory and systems theory.

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Dr Terence E Maltbia
7/4/2014 02:56:25 am

Hi Brigid, I'm familiar with the role analysis approach very useful for coaching the executive's agenda. Many of the various group approaches can also be useful in thinking about coaching from a systems perspective, Tavistock as you point out, as well as T-group research/NTL and Gestalt.

Reply
Ken Hultman
7/4/2014 02:57:07 am

To broaden the discussion a bit from the very useful points made so far, I see a focus on self, or more precisely identity, as a crucial aspect of OD and positive change. As I'm sure most of you are aware, many social psychologists divide individual identity (self) into three components: personal, social, and collective. These components are all oriented toward relationships: specifically our relationship with ourselves (personal identity), with others (social identity), and the organization (collective identity). Collective identity, of course, is much broader than with an organization, as it expands outward to include the community, nation, world, and universe. As we move outward from personal identity and close relationships, other relationships become increasingly distant and impersonal, making alignment at the more inclusive levels increasingly challenging.

It's interesting but not surprising to note how organizational structure mirrors the self. Hence, organizations focus on individual identity through specific jobs (position, roles, responsibilities, performance goals, etc.), social identity through close working relationships (other employees, supervisors, customers, etc.) as well as teams, and collective identity through one's relationship with the organization as a whole.

There are risks in focusing on one or two aspects of these complex interrelationships while ignoring how everything fits together as a whole. I believe this is one of the main reasons many change efforts fail. There are, of course, always areas of integration and fragmentation within the individual and between individuals and organizations. I believe OD practitioners provide important contributions by working to bring about greater integration within an individual's identity through coaching, counseling, and mentoring, and between individual identity and the various organizational levels, through conflict management, team building, organizational transformation efforts, and other interventions.

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Dr Terence E Maltbia
7/4/2014 02:57:47 am

Thank you Ken for going deeper with the discussion! The notions of identity, at various levels (i.e., self, group/social, and collective) is critical to engaging in high-impact OD engagements.

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Ken Hultman
7/4/2014 02:58:27 am

Terence, thanks for your comment. As you and the others know the founders of OD were revolutionaries, seeking to redress injustices in organizations. One of OD's founding fathers, Warner Burke, stated that one of our core values is maintaining a balance between autonomy and constraint. It's important to remember our roots because OD technology and methods are powerful, and many organizations want us to use them to bring about greater conformity. The risk is that openness and choice (two other founding OD values mentioned by Burke), could be compromised, undermining the expression of individual identity within an organizational context. It takes courage for practitioners to turn down assignments designed, intentionally or unintentionally, to suppress individual identity and create greater compliance to organizational practices, some of which may be oppressive. If we stand up for what we think is right, however, we can maintain the integrity of our own identity and help others do likewise, rather than being exploited by agendas contrary to our values.

Dr Terence E Maltbia
7/4/2014 02:59:26 am

Ken, thanks for reminding us of the origins of OD and some of the core founding principles. Warner Burke has been a mentor since I was a student (years ago) in the Masters Program @ Teachers College, Columbia University. It been a real pleasure having the opportunity to learn from him sense joining the faculty full time in the Fall of 2006.

You powerful observations about identity (on multiples) took the conversation right to a core dynamic that some how was not really being attended to with language like "doing the right thing" without contextualizing a phrase that could be full of cultural assumptions. Those in power, in any organized context have the influence to determine what in fact "doing the right thing" actually means, and anyone in most organizations do not have the some level of privilege and rank.

Robert Crosby
7/4/2014 03:00:04 am

Some of you have read my two recent T-Group articles. I now have links I could put here if anyone else wants them. Last week I recorded a series on subjects related to OD and the T-Group. http://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLH9lm_P86PYLFBZiDvF_YEtQVNEpHXLJL

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Lisa Marshall
8/4/2014 04:52:35 am

Darya Funches first wrote about this in 1985 when she conceived her "Three Gifts of the OD Practitioner" -- Discernment, Heart and Presence. I think it's still one of the best pieces out there.

Reply
Dr Terence E Maltbia
8/4/2014 04:53:25 am

Lisa, I'm not familiar with Funches' work, yet I like the 3 word combination of discernment (could be connected to taking a strategic, critical, and differentiating perspective), heart (the affective and emotional perspective), and presence (attention, being in the moment). Very nice...

Reply
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20/4/2014 07:29:08 pm

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6/6/2014 06:41:07 pm

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