Values

21/8/2017

Who or what is important to you? Who or what do you value most? I’ve heard it said that we can know who or what we value in practice, which sometimes differs from who or what we value in principle, simply by looking at our diaries and bank account statements to see who and what we spend our actual time with and money on. It’s a crude measure but can be revealing – especially as we can be prone as people and groups to deceive ourselves by believing what we want to believe.

In Britain, we often value e.g. individuality, effort and achievement. You could think of this as affirming: standing on our own two feet, trying hard and reaching stretching goals that are perceived as worthwhile by UK culture and the wider nation-community. I’ve heard some people say that, as British, we are only impressed by a person, team or country that manages to achieve something better than we believe we could have achieved ourselves. ‘I could have done that’ is a subtle put-down.

Against this backdrop, I was challenged and inspired last week by a girl from a very different culture who discovered that a fellow student had been excluded from taking part in a drama production team because she had some difficulties with her speaking. This girl instinctively showed empathy and compassion, valued the person, reached out, drew her in and modelled social inclusivity rather than simple task achievement. I wondered what I would have done. She reminded me of Jesus.

Why is this so significant? Our values reveal and shape something profoundly important about who we are in the world. They influence our stance, focus, decisions and boundaries. I’ve often found that working with values as a leader, OD, coach or trainer has had a transformational impact on people, teams and organisations. There’s something about, ‘What really matters to you in this?’ that can feel so much deeper than, ‘What are your goals?’ So – who or what matters most to you?

42 Comments

Linda Randazzo

22/8/2017 05:32:12 am

3 things
People
People
and People
In that order☺

Nick Wright

22/8/2017 05:52:59 am

Hi Linda. I'm getting the sense that people are important to you?! :) I love it...and I'm curious: in relation to people in, say, a work-learning environment, what else is important to you that influences, say, your motivation, outlook or approach?

I work with one organisation where people strongly value and affirm 'people-passion-partnership'. I worked with another where people valued 'partnering-truth-passion-impact'. You can really see and feel these values when you visit and work with people there.

In my experience, it's often a combination of values like this that creates both synergy and something like a self-balancing mechanism. I say a bit more about this under 'culture' here if of interest: http://www.nick-wright.com/a-journey-towards-od.html

Let me know what you think!

1/9/2017 01:59:57 pm

Hi Nick. Sorry for the delay in my response. My motivation stems from my passion to equip people to be successful. Unfortunately, many times people join an organization excited and eager to learn their new role. HR has provided an expectation of a culture that may or may not exist. The new employee has bought into the "value, mission statement" that has become white noise. They soon realize that there was no steak behind the sizzle. Employees are pretty much left to figure things out. This can crush one's spirit and desire quickly. Companies will never know the valuable assets they lost. Employee's conclusion, I am not very important after all. I have been the recipient of training, support and encouragement and would not be where I am today if it were not for people caring enough to take the time to pour into me. I will never forgot that. We can say we value people but if we don't take the time to invest in people, i.e. training, it is just words on a wall.

1/9/2017 02:11:39 pm

Hi Linda. Well said. 'No steak behind the sizzle.' What a great and vivid metaphor! :)

Shelley Richards

22/8/2017 05:32:56 am

I wholeheartedly agree with this post - doing an evaluation of my values (during one of Anthea Horvat's Business Fusion workshops about 10 years ago) revealed more to me about me, than any other sessions I've ever done!

22/8/2017 05:56:52 am

Thanks Shelley. Sounds like you have some fascinating personal experience in this area! Would you be willing to say more about what the evaluation entailed, what it revealed for you and what difference it has made, e.g. in relation to your work?

Gwen Griffith

22/8/2017 05:33:32 am

RIGHT!!!!!!!!

I HATE the closed feel of goals language alone.

Bravo, Nick!

22/8/2017 06:07:33 am

Thanks Gwen. :) Your use of capitals, exclamation marks and strong feeling in your response suggest this piece touches on things that are very important to you..! I'm intrigued - could you say more?

I think the goals language question is an interesting one. It marks a subtle difference for me between, say, coaching on the one hand and supervision or reflective practice on the other.

Whereas coaching is often concerned with effective goal or task achievement, supervision and reflective practice may focus on deeper spiritual-existential and cultural issues and sense-making.

Does that reflect your experience too?

22/8/2017 01:37:30 pm

Yes! Spot on!

So, most people entering coaching with me are in or facing transition. 1- The numbers game of goals setting often adds weight to heavy and frightened hearts (think of the burden Jesus was speaking of in Mt. - are you weary, Come to me- ) The time out to reflect and look blind spots square in the eye or discover which part of a person identity community is running their life cannot be driven by numbers alone. For example, the classic goal of specificity of SMART goal setting-" how much time can you give to discovering who is screaming inside" or "how many new courses would you take" really drive the essence of change.

Some get lost in the assignment of naming the parts of themselves if they've never done any internal work- it might be the first time anyone has asked about their inner world or how it works. But for the self aware, it's much more available to them. So time can never be the measure of that assignment, nor " how many" individual parts as it will be different for each person.

I like your word around supervision. Change is exciting if the energy is channeled towards learning and self knowledge harnessed to a well-fitted conversation of hope and truth within language of possibles. (We can say "love" because we know the Author!)

Best to you! Great to read another of your posts!!

22/8/2017 01:45:57 pm

Thanks Gwen. I can identify with your comments about SMART. Although sometimes very useful for clarifying and crystallising goals, if used inappropriately it can feel arbitrary, mechanistic and reductionist as an approach. The same applies to KPIs. I like your emphasis on hope, truth and love and, at the same time, recognise that each and all of these can open up deeper questions and experiences too. This is where for me, as someone seeking to follow Jesus, prayer is a critical and pervasive dimension to my practice.

Barry Jackson

22/8/2017 09:43:32 am

Sounds like a very good question to me. The funny thing is that I believe we are internally asking that question about other people all the time. Do they share my values? Does what they stand for clash with what I stand for?

22/8/2017 09:58:20 am

Thanks Barry. I think that's an interesting insight particularly, in my experience, when working cross-culturally. I wonder if there's sometimes something behind it that relates to a need for relationship, acceptance, belonging etc. In other words, 'Do they share my values?' could tap into, 'Will we get along well?'

It could also tap into wider concerns such as, 'Will their lifestyle/behaviour/ways of working/goals conflict with my own?' In both cases, the concern may lay in what the outworking of the person's or group's values will look and feel like in practice rather than in the values themselves. What do you think?

Keith Amoss PhD FCIPD

22/8/2017 10:03:00 am

Great post, Nick.

22/8/2017 10:03:26 am

Thanks for your encouraging feedback, Keith.

Michael Adcock

23/8/2017 05:50:56 pm

When I saw the subject line I was reminded of something a little different, that I’ve always emphasized in training. The training we do should have perfect alignment with the values, goals, and objective of senior management. When training fails to align with what senior managers want the training fails. I’ve been in several businesses where managers said that quality was of the up-most importance, but when push came to shove it really wasn’t, these managers would rather fill shipment quotas than protect the brand by delivering only quality product.

That being said I really like what’s been posted here. I always tell my classes I want you to leave here more knowledgeable, more confident with this subject, and feeling comfortable that you can perform your work. If that means hold up the class to answer 6, 7, 10 more questions or staying 15-30 minutes late so someone can finish a lab so be it.

23/8/2017 06:03:02 pm

Hi Michael. Yes, what I think you are pointing towards is a risk if what trainer and/or participants value most is fundamentally different to what organisational leaders/managers value most. I guess this is an area where contracting with key stakeholders beforehand vis a vis desired outcomes is so important.

Sometimes people are unclear about what they actually value most until coached and challenged. In other words, clients may convince themselves that something is most important to them...especially if that is what is espoused culturally in an organisation...yet subconsciously hold that different goals or outcomes are more important.

In my experience, training is far more likely to be effective and, at times, transformational rather than simply transactional, when it connects with participants' values. Here's a case example in point: http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/appraisal Let me know what you think?

Barb Zeigler, MBA

23/8/2017 07:49:18 pm

Nick, I like "What really matters to you in this?" in place of "What are your goals?".
I respect my clients values. If I can't comfortably do that, it's a clear message that I am not the best coach for them and they are not a good clielnt for me.

23/8/2017 07:53:24 pm

Thanks Barb. I may ask 'What are your goals?' as well as 'What really matters to you in this?'. My sense is they point towards and unlock and release different things. I agree - we need to be clear about our own values and to be willing to draw boundaries if the client's values are fundamentally incompatible with or in conflict with our own.

Enrico Massani

24/8/2017 08:41:02 am

People often mix up beliefs and values They put it together in a big bundle together
They are so many levels and depth in values. Great reflection.

24/8/2017 08:42:39 am

Thanks Enrico. Yes, I think values and beliefs are closely related. Do you have any examples of 'levels and depth' in values you could share?

Laura Raulet

24/8/2017 08:43:31 am

Great post ! VALUES are an important Job to do, it's important to review it from time to time, and if there is someting wrong, or not working, Work on it !! Thanks Nick 💚

24/8/2017 08:44:50 am

Thanks Laura! :)

Kate Doyle

24/8/2017 08:45:24 am

Interesting piece Nick. Successful teams are built on solid relationships between individuals. Strong relationships develop through communication and getting to know each other, building trust. Creating a safe platform and opportunity to have conversations and understand other people's values is so important.

24/8/2017 08:54:48 am

Thanks Kate. Yes, trust is so important.

Understanding each others' values can, for example, help us understand each others' motivations and intentions behind actions. I think there's something else that's important too. That is a desire, an intention, to act honourably (I'm struggling to find a better word!) on the basis of what we now know and understand about each other. I could, for instance, use what I now know and understand about a colleague to undermine them.

It's something about a deeper choice, decision, stance that is determined to model integrity and thereby build trust. Does that make sense?

Jackie Le Fevre

24/8/2017 01:13:29 pm

That values "influence our stance, focus, decisions and boundaries" is absolutely key to understand - thank you Nick. I'd go further and say that they are also responsible for the things we do not notice, do not feel, do not consider...... so powerful shapers of our reality indeed. I would encourage everyone to conjure with your question "what really matters" then go deeper. When you think you have hit something that really matters then ask "why?". Our values arise from a bedrock of underpinning belief and sometimes we can discover that our original beliefs need something of an update. Letting go of a limiting belief as you realise that something more fabulous is possible and really matters is simply one of the best things ever!

24/8/2017 02:21:23 pm

Thanks Jackie. Well said. I wholeheartedly agree with 'do not notice, do not feel, do not consider...' There is a sense in which our values act as an invisible filter for our perception, experience and sense-making in the world. This often happens subconsciously.

I had an interesting conversation with someone this week about why people in different cultures and life circumstances see/feel and and don't see/feel different things in the same situation. It partly depends on what's important to us in the moment - a bit like when we buy a blue car of a certain model and suddenly see blue cars of that model everywhere.

(In Gestalt, what we pay attention to, what holds our attention in the moment is called 'Figure' - are you familiar with it?)

I agree too that values are linked to beliefs and often point implicitly if not explicitly towards them. Surfacing values can surface underlying beliefs - sometimes beliefs that we hadn't realised we held or how far and in what ways they are influencing us...

Tim Cotter

25/8/2017 10:09:02 am

Great topic. I think there is a strong link between wellbeing and the extent to which we are living our values. A lot of coaching is about helping people to close the gap between what is important to them and what they are doing in work and life. I created an assessment tool for measuring that alignment if you're interested, at www.valuestest.com

25/8/2017 10:12:11 am

Thanks Tim. Yes, I think that's a good point. When living and working in a way that is consistent with our values, we are more likely to be intrinsically motivated, energised and fulfilled. When living and working inconsistently or in conflict with our values, we are more likely to experience anxiety, depression or stress.

Rosemary Dewan

26/8/2017 04:00:54 pm

Join in the global celebrations leading up to World Values Day on 19 October - https://www.worldvaluesday.com/ - but you might first like to do a free Personal Values Assessment - https://www.valuescentre.com/our-products/products-individuals/personal-values-assessment-pva

We encourage children to explore values and use well-chosen ones to enrich all aspects of their daily life - http://www.humanvaluesfoundation.com/about-hvf.html.

26/8/2017 04:08:25 pm

Hi Rosemary. That looks like an interesting web resource. One questions: how to bring values and ethics into the same frame. It's possible, for instance, to hold values that are fundamentally self-centred or damaging for others. In those cases, I would not want to encourage or support someone to pursue them!

Lisa Etzel LCPC BCC

27/8/2017 08:29:17 pm

Hi Nick. I have A lot of results with clarification, decisions around their choices ((more clarification), morals, different types of values and fulfillment. As always I bring the body and mind together in this process. There are actually trainings that are offered around this work. The name of the individual slips my mind right now, my apologies.

27/8/2017 08:31:41 pm

Hi Lisa. I would be fascinated to hear more about how you 'bring body and mind together' in this process. Do you have any case examples from experience that you could share?

28/8/2017 11:22:26 am

Yes. I am trained in sensorimotor psychotherapy, mindfulness, and trauma specialist. Our bodies are where our emotions appear initially. These sensations are very telling if we notice and be with it. A value that is not being honored could manifest in the throat or in the belly, depending on the client. To be with that and just notice the sensation beliefs can begin to unfold. It is quiet work, on both parts.

28/8/2017 11:23:35 am

Thanks Lisa. I would be very interested to hear any stories you could share of using these principles and practices with a client.

Darlene Schindel

29/8/2017 09:00:47 am

For me, values and beliefs are the foundation of EVERYTHING. In my work as the nurses' nurse, this is where I begin. When we can name, identify our values, we can begin to see how this is the context within which we make all of our decisions and from which our actions are based. As our awareness here is elevated, our transformation and paradigm shifts begin. POWERFUL!

29/8/2017 09:03:01 am

Hi Darlene. Yes, if we grow in awareness of our personal and cultural beliefs and values, all kinds of things become possible..!

Lynn Scott MCC

29/8/2017 01:39:58 pm

Interested in hearing people's view on the difference between values and beliefs.i like Lisa's point about the bodily reactions hat our if a value is not being met.

29/8/2017 01:44:19 pm

Hi Lynn. In this context, I think of beliefs as fundamental convictions about who or what is real and true and values as fundamental convictions about who or what is most important. They are closely interlinked. I agree: we sometimes discover what our values are when we find them challenged, e.g. in a cross-cultural situation. If they are deeply held values, we are likely to feel it viscerally, not just in our heads!

29/8/2017 07:12:58 pm

Nice distinction, Nick. I also think we sometimes have values or beliefs for no other reason than because we 'grew up' with them. It's great to examine them, see where they came from and see if they are still true and helpful for us! One of my coach trainers talked about 'spitting them out' and examining them (hope you're not eating) rather than swallowing them whole which I rather like!

29/8/2017 07:16:27 pm

Thanks Lynn. Yes, I agree. I think that some of our most deeply held and profoundly influencing beliefs and values are subconscious. We often don't know what they are until we encounter a person or situation that clashes with them and provokes a strong reaction within us. Those can be great moments for awareness raising, reflection and learning.

James Henman, Ph.D.

21/9/2017 09:17:11 am

Nick Wright, It's been awhile. I think your point of embracing the depth and significance of values in our clinical work is critical. This requires us to be aware of our own and our clients values. Without values, including spirituality, being explored in a perspective of applied mindfulness with our clients, we leave a profound element from the process. Here's an example of bringing some values into consciousness. http://www.cairforyou.com/coaching/coachingchoosing.htm

21/9/2017 09:18:50 am

Hi James. Yes - it has been a while! Good to hear from you again. And well said. I really liked your blog piece. Thank you for the link. You may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/choose

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