When things get stuck

12/5/2014

When teams are under pressure, e.g. dealing with critical issues, sensitive topics or working to tight deadlines, tensions can emerge that lead to conversations getting stuck. Stuck-ness between two or more people most commonly occurs when at least one party’s underlying needs are not being met, or a goal that is important to them feels blocked.

The most obvious signs or stuck-ness are conversations that feel deadlocked, ping-pong back and forth without making progress or go round and round in circles. Both parties may state and restate their views or positions, wishing the other would really hear. If unresolved, responses may include anger/frustration (fight) or disengagement/withdrawal (flight).

If such situations occur, a simple four step process can make a positive difference, releasing the stuck-ness to move things forward. It can feel hard to do in practice, however, if caught up in the drama and the tense feelings that ensue! I’ve found that jotting down questions as an aide memoire can help, especially if stuck-ness is a repeating pattern.

1. Observation. (‘What’s going on?’). This stage involves metaphorically (or literally) stepping back from the interaction to notice and comment non-judgementally on what’s happening. E.g. ‘We’re both stating our positions but seem a bit stuck’. ‘We seem to be talking at cross purposes.’

2. Awareness. (‘What’s going on for me?’). This stage involves tuning into my own experience, owning and articulating it, without projecting onto the other person. E.g. ‘I feel frustrated’. ‘I’m starting to feel defensive.’ ‘I’m struggling to understand where you are coming from.’ ‘I’m feeling unheard.’

3. Inquiry. (‘What’s going on for you?’). This stage involves inquiring of the other person in an open spirit, with a genuine, empathetic, desire to hear. E.g. ‘How are you feeling?’ ‘What are you wanting that you are not receiving?’ ‘What’s important to you in this?’ ‘What do you want me to hear?’

4. Action. ('What will move us forward?’) This stage involves making requests or suggestions that will help move the conversation forward together. E.g. ‘This is where I would like to get to…’ ‘It would help me if you would be willing to…’. ‘What do you need from me?’ ‘How about if we try…’

Shifting the focus of a conversation from content to dynamics in this way can create opportunity to surface different felt priorities, perspectives or experiences that otherwise remain hidden. It can allow a breathing space, an opportunity to re-establish contact with each other. It can build understanding, develop trust and accelerate the process of achieving results.

28 Comments

Zerqa Atiq

13/5/2014 05:02:42 am

I think as long as trust has been strongly built beforehand results are surely achievable. It is then 'desirable success' we achieve.

Jo Dixon-Hardy

13/5/2014 07:32:05 am

Thank you Nick - your thoughts are so relevant and helpful in the workplace. I will be sharing this widely as a really accessible framework.

Nick Wright

14/5/2014 11:28:46 am

Hi Jo and many thanks for such affirming feedback. I would be very interested to hear what happens when you apply it to your own field of practice. With best wishes. Nick

14/5/2014 11:26:32 am

Hi Zerqa. Thanks for the note. I agree that trust is very important. In my experience, trust is sometimes built or reinforced by being willing to be vulnerable. I like the equation: Trust = Risk + Support. I grow in trust if I take a risk and find myself supported. As you say, when trust is strong, better results are achievable. With best wishes. Nick

15/5/2014 06:26:59 am

Thank you very much Nick.
how the heart throbs when trust is being built. For me it is a phase that can not be hurried or coaxed. Trust sets into place by itself and then we see ourselves as able to not only solve problems but apprehend it too and not let mistakes occur or barriers grow for time is meant to be your best asset-so take it with you as it is yours.
Yes Nick I agree Trust = Risk + Support at the same time human beings are vulnerable and we must reach "Trust "by ourselves it is a road to take for your journey onward.

Mike Saunders MBA

13/5/2014 09:01:07 am

Nick, I think that "analysis-paralysis" syndrome is a real issue!
Take a listen to Jason's post below, pretty timely, I like point #5
"Refuse to lose focus on what you are meant to do"
http://jasonwhitehurst.org/2014/03/31/010-finish-started-podcast/

14/5/2014 11:34:07 am

Hi Mike. Thanks for the note and for sharing the link. I agree that 'analysis-paralysis' is a great example of stuck-ness. I've sometimes found that leadership teams (especially when facing pressure, anxiety or crisis) can get stuck in over-researching, over-collating or over-analysing data, as if the elusive answer they are desperately hoping for is hidden in there somewhere. At times, it's more important to pause, breathe, step back and as questions such as, 'How does it feel to be a leader in this situation?', 'What is our intuition/gut instinct telling us?', 'What are we not noticing?' and to see what insights or solutions emerge into team consciousness. With best wishes. Nick

Calvin Wilson

14/5/2014 02:23:06 am

I believe that nonetheless and irrespective of issues nature communication gap should be avoided, if we can do that we move forward otherwise on the contrary we remain in stats-quo and would invite more folds of issues that would be more impactful and difficult to sort, so the sooner we handle and resolve the better.

14/5/2014 11:37:58 am

Hi Calvin and thanks for the note. Yes, I agree with you that establishing and maintaining good commuication is very important. I guess that's the ideal - achieving and sustaining it can sometimes be difficult, especially in crisis situations where underlying tensions, cognitive distortions or regressive behaviours can surface. Have you found any particular methods helpful for ensuring good communication? With best wishes. Nick

Eve Turner

14/5/2014 04:40:49 am

Hi Nick

Thank you very much for sharing this. Simple but effective approach.

Warm wishes

Eve

14/5/2014 11:40:15 am

Hi Eve and thanks for your encouraging feedback. I would be very interested to hear any examples of where you have tried similar approaches. What the issues were, what you did, what happened as a result. With best wishes. Nick

Eric Johnson

14/5/2014 11:23:39 am

My master's thesis in organization development fleshed out a system I had been using for 15 years; how to use the 5 phase principals of acupuncture to diagnose groups and businesses to identify stuckness and get the energy moving again. You can find it here: http://prezi.com/378khjcxntxm/organizational-diagnosis/

14/5/2014 11:51:48 am

Hi Eric and thanks for sharing the link to your presentation. I really like the engaging presentation style and noticed the reference to 'Immunity to Change'. You may find this blog and some of the responses to it interesting: http://www.nick-wright.com/1/post/2012/06/immunity-to-change.html? With best wishes and thanks again. Nick

15/5/2014 02:11:10 am

Yes, I've found the Immunity to Change process to be one of the most important activities to engage movement for people. It only works though when people have the support they need to take action on the insights they gain. As with most consulting practices.

For me the most important step to getting people unstuck is to reinforce action. My 5 Phase diagnostic tool helps me know which actions might have the best leverage for leading to subsequent actions that maintain movement, but making sure some form of action is taken is extremley important.

Jean Venturanza-Lapa

14/5/2014 09:35:12 pm

How right you are Nick. We have such cases now going on. I believe in drawing awareness and the persons' feelings about the situation - before being able to decide to take action, moving forward. The enemy is "fear" (of taking any action) and lack or loss of trust. Need to get them back to positive and healthy relationship or feelings about each other.

15/5/2014 10:14:35 am

Hi Jean and thanks for the note. Yes, I agree that allowing feelings to surface and be articulated can sometimes be a helpful strategy to move things forward. Where strong feelings are unacknowledged or repressed, they can cloud thinking and leak out through, e.g. defensive posturing or attack. With best wishes. Nick

Karel van Nimwegen

15/5/2014 10:11:42 am

hi Nick, the obvious seems eather to let it stuck for a while; not necessarily in time off course, but in experience, and to find out what is really going on. The other one is what we (all) often do; just unstuck it :-)
probably not what you are looking for, but I am curious to other responses

15/5/2014 10:20:07 am

Hi Karel. Yes, leaving the stuckness for a while can sometimes be a useful approach. It can allow the experience of stuckness to intensify and, thereby, motivate the parties involved to find new ways to address it. In Gestalt coaching, the facilitator may even invite the stuck parties to exaggerate their stuck-ness (perhaps by enacting it physically) to see what insights or ways forward emerge for them by doing it. How to 'just instuck it' is, of course, the tricky question! With best wishes. Nick

Kirsten Nordahl

16/5/2014 09:52:28 am

What is the field? Is it you? Are you part in it? Can you say more? Are you staying there? Frozen or does other figures emerge when sitting there sharing it?

16/5/2014 09:53:18 am

Does it seem meaningfull, can you live with it, resistance seems allways healthy..but maybe not very usefull....or is it a theoretical question with no fenomenology except for the question?

16/5/2014 09:58:35 am

Hi Kirsten. Thanks for sharing such great Gestalt questions. I particularly like the idea of exploring what is in the field (or environment, or 'ground') that could be creating or influencing the sense of stuck-ness and what figures (or issues, or preoccupations) emerge when we simply notice the feeling of stuck-ness. Do you have experiences of using this approach in practice? What happened? With best wishes. Nick

Hank O'Mahony

17/5/2014 08:48:25 am

In classical Gestalt thought and theory, stuck-ness is a state when one is unable to move towards something or away from something. The process of being stuck is coming to the realization that you are not able to choose . This is the state of statis not equilibrium. It is crucial to remain stuck so that the paradoxical theory of change can occur. Perls throughout his life was always stating that 'what is' must be brought to awareness and accepted so that there was the possibility of change happening;not because of a wish or a trying to change, bot rather the staying with what is 'the stuck-ness' of the situation.

18/5/2014 05:14:21 am

Hank, I find your comment usefull, I like the Classical Gestalt thoughts and find them usefull too, and very difficult to catch up with all the new ideas,.
And the answer to you Nick as far as I understand your question, I have participated in an interesting Gestalt training over 1 year, with field perspective, using a model to achieve "field", but its a long story. I know that they also have written something in english, not where tio find it. Go hunting.

Integrativ Gestalt Praksis
Mikael Sonne og Jan Tønnesvang
Vis alle
ISBN: 9788741256894 (Bog)
Udgivelsesår: 2013
Udgave: 1
Sider: 240

18/5/2014 05:21:50 am

Hi Hank and thanks for the note. I find the Gestalt paradoxical theory of change intriguing. Do you have any examples of where you have experienced this? What was the issue, how did you and the client approach it and what happened as a result? With thanks and best wishes. Nick

Terrence H. Seamon

17/5/2014 08:49:18 am

Nice 4 step approach to getting unstuck. Well done, Nick.

18/5/2014 05:24:01 am

Hi Terrence and thanks for the note. You are a great encourager! I would love to hear if you have any experiences of dealing with stuck-ness and how you dealt with them. I'm very keen to learn more. With best wishes. Nick

19/5/2014 03:38:38 am

Two thoughts that occur to me, that I have seen which may help a team get unstuck...

Introduction of a foreign element: adding a new member, bringing in a guest facilitator, changing the venue

Removal of an impediment: exiting a member who is dragging the team down or who is disruptive to the team in a negative way

The trouble with these, however, is when the reason that the team is stuck is the person leading the team.

Eberhard Bohrisch

19/5/2014 03:39:52 am

I'm getting stuck, when I can't realize, that I have to have a change in the way I'm doing something, e.g. getting a screw in. The most effective action to be taken is to have a break, and start again. Everybody has had this experience.
My contribution to your question, Nick, refers to group situations, as for instance team meetings. We use a collection of different activities. All follow the idea to create a break in the destructive interactions and to disturb the experiences which support the stuckness.
1. Singing! (Please don't laugh at me!) it is really purposeful! The instruction is:
"Please stand up; I would like to sing a song with you!" Then as for a suggestion and start! If you could move the conference table, do this first, so that the team can move! When the team is sitting again, ask for reports concerning body feelings (? I hope that’s correct! Körpergefühle!)! There should be a considerable difference in the dimension before-after. Then let triades discuss the reason for the difference, follow the guideline in Nick's post.
2. Brainstorming, the team is waking around. The conference table should be removed; if possible, one can change rooms etc.! Everybody gives one word statements to Nick' questions. The statements are collected on a flipchart, and so on..!
There are a lot of similar actions to be found in literature. But it's quite easy to invent them ad hoc!