Wishful thinking

12/6/2020

'Be careful what you wish for.' (Aesop)

‘People believe what they want to believe’ (Julius Caesar). Did Julius Caesar really say that? Your instinctive response will depend, in part, on what version of events you want to be true. If you hope he did, you are more likely to say yes. If not, then no. Take any front-page issue in the media and notice how quickly people form a strong opinion about it, especially on social media – often with wild passion and conviction yet only rarely with substantial evidence to support it.

Psychologist Art Markman PhD noticed that: ‘People are biased to interpret the evidence in ways that are consistent with their desires. That means that people may ultimately come to believe that the weight of evidence supports the position that they already wanted to believe was true. And they will believe this without recognizing that their own desires influenced the evaluation of the evidence.’ (Psychology Today, 2011)

In short, we think wishfully, and we don’t know it. To varying degrees, we see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear, and we filter, interpret and distort every issue, encounter or experience. It’s a swirling mix of subconscious desire, unconscious bias and emotional reasoning that influences what we notice, and don’t, and what sense we make of it. It shapes what we believe is real or unreal, true or untrue. It impacts on the conclusions we draw and the stances we take.

If challenged on the implicit assumptions we are making and projecting outwards onto the world, our defensive reactions can be like putting our hands over our eyes or our fingers in our ears and singing, ‘La, la, la’ to blank out or drown out anything that may disturb us. We want to avoid the anxiety created by complexity or dissonance. The result can be to live in a state of psychological and cultural felt-safety, yet that may be grounded in delusion. So, some questions:

Why might I want this version of events to be true? What want or need would it satisfy for me if it were true? How would this being true serve an issue, a cause or a relationship that matters to me? What deeper wants or needs does this tap into; e.g. ‘I want things to be simpler’, or ‘... to be fairer’, or '... to feel safer.' What, in my personal, relational or cultural experience, is driving me to take this stance? What inconvenient facts am I ignoring in order to sustain my ‘truth’?

18 Comments

Clau Garciah

12/6/2020 05:46:04 pm

It is a very, very interesting article Nick. What is "fact", what is "truth", what is "reality"? I do <believe> that we don't see the world as it is, but as we are. I love it, thank you!

Nick Wright

12/6/2020 05:48:53 pm

Thank you, Clau. According to this theory-idea, we don't see the world as it is, but as we want it to be - at least to some degree, anyway. On '...as we are', you may find this related article interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/seeing-is-believing.html

Erik Weber

12/6/2020 06:31:33 pm

Es ist wie ein Filter: Was wir hören wollen, hören wir, was wir glauben wollen, glauben wir. Und wenn es uns nicht passt, ignorieren wir es.

12/6/2020 07:10:51 pm

Hallo Erik. Ja, ich glaube, das passiert oft. Es ist auch wahr, dass manche Menschen manchmal das hören oder glauben, was sie am meisten fürchten. Es kann interessant und nützlich sein, darüber nachzudenken, was diesen Unterschied ausmacht.

Andrea Dasilva, M Ed., RCC

12/6/2020 08:45:16 pm

Confirmation bias at its finest...

12/6/2020 08:46:54 pm

Hi Andrea. Indeed - and influenced not only by what we already believe, but by what we want to believe too.

Richard Simpson

13/6/2020 09:44:41 am

Great article, Nick. And it cuts right to the core of so much noise swirling around today. One would think, as a civilisation (if I can use a disputed term!) the quality of discourse would improve over time. It doesn't. My 'felt-safety' is in nuance, doubt, ambivalence, grey areas. That's the space where I find it easiest to engage and speculate.

13/6/2020 11:13:44 am

Thank you, Richard. Yes, if anything, issues and arguments appear to be becoming instinctively and sharply more polarised. I think this is one of the great risks of the 'echo chamber' phenomenon, where people choose to expose themselves only to ideas that confirm what they already believe and want to believe, therefore amplifying their narrow focus and emotional intensity. Your comment on 'grey areas' resonates well with this recent, related short piece that may be of interest? http://www.nick-wright.com/polarities.html

Anne McGuire AMInstLM

13/6/2020 11:14:52 am

I have always found psychology facinating Nick. Thank you.

13/6/2020 11:19:20 am

Thank you, Anne. Me too, especially in those spaces where psychology, philosophy and spirituality meet. For me, the 'wishful thinking' phenomenon falls into that space; touching on, for instance, deep questions of reality, truth and needs. It's useful for me, insofar as it helps influence and inform my insight and stance in the world. How about you?

Elise Van Vessem

13/6/2020 08:33:46 pm

Hmmm I disagree with the psychologist's stance. Admittedly I don't know his interpretation of the word "desire", but my interpretation is to "wish" or to "want" something. Our wishes, wants and desires are formed in our conscious mind, NOT our subconscious. The subconscious' role is that of "protector", nothing more. It doesn't care what we want and it doesn't argue with us. It's job is to keep us from harm and to just help us "get through life". We interpret evidence/events/situations in ways that are consistent with our past experiences and conditioning. It's our conditioning that creates the subconscious filters (beliefs + or -), which in turn dictate our responses (+ or -). We often wonder why we respond in a certain way to situations and it is because of the subconscious. It dictates our habitual behaviours and responses (the things we do or don't do, without thinking). With regard to the article, I think the word "desire" should be referenced as our subconscious saying "how can I help Elise deal with this situation with no/minimal pain/harm".

13/6/2020 08:34:46 pm

Hi Elise. Thank you for the stimulating challenge! “Our wishes, wants and desires are formed in our conscious mind”. Are you sure? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/whose-thoughts-am-i-thinking

13/6/2020 08:35:41 pm

With regard to this article (whose thoughts am I thinking), that is again, the subconscious, which as I said in my initial comment, is a conglomeration of our conditioning. Our conditioning is indeed the thoughts, behaviours, beliefs etc of those who were around us in our early years and gave us our perception of society and how we're supposed to fit into it. As I also said, it's the conditioning that forms our subconscious and thus creates our beliefs and behaviours. To have desires, wants, wishes, etc of your own, you need to undo all of that crap and find your own mind and beliefs and decide what it is YOU want, not what is expected of you

13/6/2020 08:38:46 pm

Hi Elise. That's an interesting reflection, and raises some really interesting questions too that are not easy to answer. For example, when you say: "find your own mind and beliefs and decide what it is YOU want, not what is expected of you". How can you ever be sure that you are not simply exchanging one form of conditioning for another - even if it feels like an authentic personal choice?

15/6/2020 01:45:45 pm

yes that is indeed THE question and quite honestly, we will always be constrained by a certain level of conditioning (i.e. the law, unless of course we decide that we're above the law like a certain POTUS!) And of course, I'm not suggesting that putting one's hand in a fire is a good idea either, just because dad told you not to! However, in the context of our daily interactions and activities, this is more to do with asking ourselves 1) what it is that WE want and 2) identify the underlying reasons as to why we haven't achieved what we want. It's probably a good idea to scrutinise each item on the list and ask oneself if there would be 'interested parties' to this. In other words, if "it would make mum happy if I did this", or "my company would get more funding if I did this", then it's probably not authentically YOUR personal choice! :-D
Apologies for going slightly off-track, but a simple example of this would be someone working a job that doesn't fulfil them. Sure the job might be noble and honourable and they might even get a certain amount of satisfaction knowing they are helping the less fortunate. They might even tell themselves that they enjoy the job. However, upon reflection, the individual might realise that this job wasn't because of an actual DECISION that THEY made, rather it was something they just slid into, or as a result of underlying 'expectations' of others (e.g. their parents, church, peers etc). Another example would be when we see 'successful' and famous people commit suicide or adopt some kind of substance abuse. I daresay it's because they suddenly become aware of being on a path that has been chosen and/or manipulated by others and that they feel 'out of control' and unfulfilled. Unfortunately for them, they feel that suicide/addictions is the only way to escape and 'be free'.

15/6/2020 03:31:52 pm

Hi Elise. Lots of stimulating thoughts. I think what you're alluding to is what's known in psychodynamics as 'introjection'. In part, it's about trying to disentangle our own wants, needs, desires, expectations etc. from those we have inherited from others. The goal is to raise conscious awareness and enable a free(r) choice. It touches on so many cross-cultural issues too; particularly vis a vis individual identity, agency and choice. Here's an example from the coaching arena that may be of interest? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/cross-cultural-coaching

Tara Parker link

15/6/2020 10:35:00 pm

Nick,

We can be a selective bunch, can't we? As you pointed out, we may not know our selective bias as much as we should. If we don't know that selective bias we may not realize how much we deceive ourselves. What would the world be like without that deceit?

Wonderful words, Nick. Simply wonderful.

Tara

16/6/2020 12:53:00 pm

Thank you, Tara - and for such encouraging feedback. On the theme of self-deception, you may find this related short piece interesting? http://www.nick-wright.com/blog/stealth