‘The final frontier may be human relationships, one person to another.’ (Buzz Aldrin) I met recently with small groups of asylum seekers and refugees from the Middle East and Central Asia. All commented on how grateful they are for the practical help they have received from the host countries in which they have settled in Europe – housing, health, education etc. and money for food, lighting, heating, water, clothing etc. Without such basic necessities, they could not have survived. That said, their sense of isolation, so far away from home, family and friends etc, can be very painful to endure. Sometimes, having escaped persecution, conflict or war, they may feel anxious or reluctant to connect with people from their own countries of origin, in their host countries, because they may be from ‘the other side’. It’s hard to trust if trust has been absent, damaged or betrayed. I ask what they need, what they hope for, what would be life-giving, more than just bearable. Their answer is simple and clear: human relationship, friendship, laughter, to be listened to, to feel heard and understood. Sometimes they lack confidence to reach out. They may fear rejection, feel insecure about their limited local language or worry about a risk of cross-cultural misunderstandings. Host countries may risk focusing so much on strategy, policy and task that they lose sight of relationship. I’m inspired by Pete in the UK and Margitta in Germany. They are followers of Jesus. Whenever we encounter people who are asylum seekers or refugees, Pete and Margitta are welcomed with huge smiles. They see and treat people, warmly, as real people. Love is transformational.
16 Comments
Annette Bishop
29/5/2023 11:44:01 am
What a lovely photo Nick.
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Nick Wright
29/5/2023 11:46:11 am
Thanks Annette. It was great to spend 2 hours chatting with this lovely family from Afghanistan. So much laughter together! :)
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Brian Fraser
29/5/2023 11:48:05 am
Hi Nick. That was an eye opener for me. I didn't think about how people from the same country could feel suspicious of each other. It makes sense now you have pointed it out.
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Nick Wright
29/5/2023 11:53:30 am
Hi Brian. Yes, it's something I've learned through conversations with asylum-seekers and refugees over time. It can make things very difficult if, say, authorities in host countries simplistically place people from the same country in shared rooms together; or use people from the same country as interpreters when applying for asylum - assuming that they will understand and connect with each other, or represent each others' interests fairly.
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Brenda Marchant
29/5/2023 11:49:28 am
Pete and Margitta sound like angels!
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Nick Wright
29/5/2023 11:55:18 am
Hi Brenda. Yes, they are both stars. They exude warmth and see well beyond systems, structures and stereotypes to the real people that lay behind them. That makes all the difference.
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Maryam Fatemeh
29/5/2023 12:05:07 pm
You are right Nick. Relationship is important to us. It's deep in our culture. If we don't have relationship, we feel lost and alone. Thank you for writing. Thank you for speak for us.
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Nick Wright
29/5/2023 12:08:34 pm
Hi Maryam. Thank you for your encouraging words. I remember I was once sitting in a McDonald's in London. An Iranian mother and daughter, strangers to me, sat beside me. As they laid out their food beautifully on the table, I smiled and they immediately invited me to share their food with them. Relationship lays at the heart of everything important in life.
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Daniel Byrne
30/5/2023 05:06:52 pm
What's the difference between an asylum seeker and a refugee? Aren't they the same thing?
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Nick Wright
30/5/2023 05:12:58 pm
Hi Daniel. That's a good question, and a common misconception. According to Amnesty International: "An asylum seeker is a person who has left their country and is seeking protection from persecution and serious human rights violations in another country, but who hasn't yet been legally recognized as a refugee and is waiting to receive a decision on their asylum claim." "Not every asylum seeker will ultimately be recognised as a refugee, but every refugee is initially an asylum seeker."
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Chris P
30/5/2023 05:20:30 pm
An asylum seeker is everyone that comes into the UK illegally who doesn't want to go through the proper channels because they know, if they did, they would get caught out. Get on a boat from " dangerous France" for an all expenses paid (by the UK tax payer) life in the UK. What's not to like? The whole thing's a total scam.
Nick Wright
31/5/2023 09:55:41 am
Hi Chris. It's a complex situation. While it's true that not everyone who enters the UK as an asylum seeker should properly be regarded as a refugee, similarly not everyone who enters the UK as an asylum seeker should automatically be disregarded as an imposter. There are genuine refugees who need our protection and support. Making decisions on which people fall into the former and which into the latter categories is the job of the asylum claims' assessment authorities - not an easy task.
Anne Dawson
31/5/2023 12:37:24 pm
I love your emphasis on relationship in your blogs, Nick. It feels more human than most things I read on the internet!
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Nick Wright
31/5/2023 05:16:42 pm
Thank you, Anne. On that theme, these short related pieces may be of interest too?
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Mark Claxton
31/5/2023 05:17:45 pm
Why do you say they are followers of Jesus? Why's that relevant?
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Nick Wright
31/5/2023 05:27:40 pm
Hi Mark. That's a fair question. Firstly, because I too am a follower of Jesus and I'm inspired by Pete's and Margitta's example. Secondly, because 'relationship' lays at the heart of Christian theology and spirituality: to love God, and to love one-another.
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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