‘Your choice point is the space you're in right before you make a decision.’ (Martha Tesema) You are choosing to read this blog – you could have chosen to do something else instead. You are choosing to read it now – you could have chosen to read it at a different time. In fact, according to psychological choice theory, everything you do is a choice. You’re not always aware of it and it won’t always feel like it. The implications and consequences of choosing one course of action over another can sometimes be so different and so stark that it can feel to, to all intents and purposes, as if there is no choice. Yet you are still likely to choose the action that, for instance, aligns most closely with your values; or has the greatest perceived benefits; or has the least risks or detrimental effects. The implications of this theory are radical and extreme. If every action you take represents a choice, and if you can grow in awareness of the choices you are making at each moment, a vast array of possibilities opens up to you. As you approach any decision, it will be like reaching a road junction, with always at least 2 options available to you. You will no longer be trapped or driven entirely by circumstances. You can exercise greater freedom and personal agency. You can learn to navigate adaptively through choices, like tacking into the wind on a sailboat. You can become more creative and innovative. You can visit places, reach destinations, that you never dreamed imaginable. There is a flip side. If you really are free to choose, you’re also responsible for your every action. It could feel easier to tell yourself that you have no choice – especially since you can’t anticipate every potential ripple effect. It would relieve you of the burden of accountability. You could also feel quite overwhelmed by the dread of having to make choices at every moment in time, in every situation. It could feel like existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre’s nightmare, ‘condemned to be free’. You may try to alleviate the anxiety by telling yourself that you’re a product of your background, upbringing, culture or circumstances. Then you could stop over-thinking, over-analysing, and get on with your life. So, how to handle this paradox? How to create the liberating freedom of expanding one’s sense and reality of choice whilst also to acknowledge the ethical and practical responsibilities it carries with it? First: awareness. Here’s a simple exercise. Write down a paragraph of no more than 100 words that describes the last meeting you had with a colleague. Now, underline every word that represents a choice point in what happened. If you do this rigorously enough, you will be amazed at how much of the text is highlighted. Now the stretch, a thought experiment: jot down at least 2 different choices you could have made at each choice point. Try to be creative and courageous as you do this. Second: responsibility. To build on this exercise, jot down a list of key criteria that will help you to ensure focus, priorities and boundaries to your decisions and actions. Here are some examples: ‘make best use of my time; achieve my career goals; develop the team’s potential; improve quality of relationships; create best value for stakeholders’. These criteria reflect and represent your values. Finally, test the actual choices you made, and the hypothetical choices you could have made, against these criteria to take note of what you could have done differently, what you could do next time and what lines you will not cross. Now – it’s your choice: given what you know now, what will you do with it? (See also: Choose; Choice; Agents of Change)
20 Comments
Christine
5/4/2022 07:09:27 pm
A very good and challenging article, something, which inspires us to think and go deeper. So sadly absent from most churches and religious broadcasts these days. It is good to have you back, Nick.
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Nick Wright
5/4/2022 08:14:11 pm
Thank you, Christine. I appreciate you choosing to offer encouraging feedback(!). I once posted here that, 'I abandoned religion years ago and decided to follow Jesus instead.' That provoked some interesting responses... :)
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Sandra Williams
6/4/2022 12:56:18 am
Hi Nick. Interesting blog. I don’t agree with choice theory’s theory that everything a person does is a choice. Some of our actions are instinctive and instantaneous, like a habitual or knee-jerk reaction to a situation. Is that really a choice? I don’t think so.
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Nick Wright
6/4/2022 10:36:28 am
Thank you, Sandra. Yes, two common critiques of choice theory are whether: (a) every action can genuinely be regarded as a choice and (b) we are genuinely able to exercise as much control over our choices as this theory would appear to propose.
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Anna Wilkinson
6/4/2022 11:00:19 am
Hello Nick. Thanks for sharing these ideas. I think I get the point, but the thought of having to analyse everything I do before I do it freaks me out. It sounds too introspective. I'd rather just get on and do things and learn as I go along.
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Nick Wright
6/4/2022 11:21:41 am
Thank you, Anna. Yes, if we were to attempt to analyse every decision and at all times, it would very quickly become paralysing - a 'paralysis of analysis', so to speak. In coaching or training, I would only use the exercise that I described in the blog for awareness-raising purposes. I have found that some people who feel stuck, or driven, or overwhelmed by pressures and demands, can find it very liberating. If I discover I have more choices than I had imagined, I'm also able to exercise greater agency, influence and control. This can create a powerful shift in resourcefulness, resilience and results.
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David Watkins
6/4/2022 02:49:25 pm
Hi Nick. This blog sums me up perfectly! To be honest, I make all kinds of excuses to myself to justify my behavior, or my actions, or my inaction. I work hard to let myself off the hook. I use my addiction as an excuse. I sometimes wonder if, as an addict, I have any real choice at all. I feel overpowered.
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Nick Wright
6/4/2022 02:59:35 pm
Hi David. I really appreciate you writing such an honest and personal response. I think you raise an important issue in relation to addiction. I'm not an expert in this area, by lived experience or training. However, I do know something of the power of what can feel like an irresistible pull from within. It makes me wonder what kinds of factors make it far harder to choose, even if the reality of the ability to choose is true.
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Elaine Anderson
6/4/2022 03:01:44 pm
Hello Nick. I know the feeling of an irresistible pull. Is falling in love a choice?
Nick Wright
6/4/2022 03:11:41 pm
Hi Elaine. What a great question. I would have to be honest and say, I don't know. It partly depends on our understanding of what it means to 'fall in love'. I imagine choice theorists like William Glasser may say that placing ourselves in relation to another entails a choice, as does thinking about and behaving in relation to the other in such a way that a feeling of love grows.
Andreas Krause
6/4/2022 03:18:29 pm
Hallo Nick. I like your blog. I agree we can choose. We can choose more than we think we can choose. That's important for our life and our work. The question of responsibility is different. Our responsibility is grounded not only in choosing, but also in mental capacity, education, if relevant material is there for us to make informed choice, if we can think in critical ways usw.
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Nick Wright
6/4/2022 05:05:47 pm
Hi Andreas. Thank you for posing such a helpful and constructive challenge. I think choice theorists would distinguish between the act of choosing itself, and the actual content of those choices - that is, the stances, decisions and actions we take in practice. Existentialists sometimes attach and imply moral-ethical value to the act of choosing per se; as if choosing (rather than not-choosing; which is, paradoxically, also a choice) is the right thing to do.
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Peter Young
7/4/2022 08:53:42 am
Hi Nick. I am completely with the notion that we have far more choice than we realise.
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Nick Wright
11/4/2022 11:25:18 am
Hi Peter. Thank you for such encouraging feedback - and for choosing to offer it! :) Yes, there's something about shifting to 'I' language that can shift the sense of agency and responsibility. I sometimes invite clients to shift their language from, say, 'I have to do X' or 'I must do X' to 'I'm choosing to do X'. I may also invite a client to start sentences with 'I will...' A simple reframing of language can open up all kinds of fresh possibilities, and create fresh energy to take a stance and act.
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Richard Edwin Simpson
7/4/2022 10:20:20 am
Great post, Nick. Since quite a young age I have been intrigued by choice, why we do one thing as opposed to another, and why someone would choose to do the opposite of what I would choose. In particular, I remember a story in a newspaper where a single mother had a choice of paying her rent and keeping a roof over her and her children's heads, or buying them Christmas presents. Her decision? To buy them Christmas presents because she didn't want them to lose out. She and her children were subsequently made homeless. But she didn't appear to regret her decision. It made me wonder. Then I discovered that poverty is a significant and perverse influence on decision-making. This, from Google:
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Nick Wright
11/4/2022 11:47:41 am
Hi Richard - and thank you for posting such stimulating and challenging reflections. I think the notion that 'poverty is a significant and perverse influence on decision-making' raises so many interesting and important questions. Whilst undoubtedly anxiety and stress do influence human decision-making (which is on the of the fundamental tenets of, say, cognitive behavioural therapy), I have learned over the years that there are so many other cultural and contextual influences too - many of which can feel difficult for me to grasp fully as someone who has been steeped since birth in Western culture and wealth.
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Rebecca Longman
7/4/2022 03:22:17 pm
Interesting!
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Nick Wright
7/4/2022 10:52:17 pm
Thanks Rebecca. :)
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Ian Henderson
11/4/2022 04:24:05 pm
I totally agree Nick. Our choices might sometimes seem to be quite small, but they all go to make our lives what they are. To eat an apple or a chocolate bar........the consequences seem small, but are they. If we repeat that choice many times over the consequences become much larger. As Jim Rohn said, "Failure is repeating errors of judgement, day in day out". Thanks for the article mate.
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Nick Wright
11/4/2022 04:28:24 pm
Thank you, Ian. That's a sobering reminder of the implications, over time, of small yet cumulative choices. It reminded me of an idea in social psychology that we don't really know who we are until we place ourselves, or find ourselves, placed, in new situations: then see how we respond. In case of related interest, here's a simple yet, in my view, amazing account of how my youngest daughter has chosen to approach that principle in life: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/existential-coaching
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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