NICK WRIGHT
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact

Self

2/12/2022

20 Comments

 
Picture

‘Life for him was a mirror in which he saw only himself, rather than a window through which he saw other selves.’ (Martin Luther King)

I heard a psychologist once ask, ‘When you see a group photo with yourself in it, which face do you look for first?’ There are various theories that seek to explain why we seem instinctively to scan for our own face; for example, ‘Do I look how I want to look?’; ‘How do I look compared to other people in the photo?’; ‘If someone else saw this photo, would they think I look interesting and attractive?’ Perhaps it’s sometimes borne out of anxiety, sometimes out of curiosity, sometimes out of vanity.

Some psychologists believe this phenomenon may be rooted in the idea that, for each of us, our self is the essential locus of our direct experience. After all, everything I perceive and experience is from my own standpoint and filtered through and influenced by my own senses, beliefs and values etc. Although different philosophies and cultures hold different notions of self (an intriguing theme explored further by Vivien Burr in Social Constructionism, 2015), it’s still I who am typing this blog.

Martin Luther King (Strength to Love, 1963), reflected on this question of self in relation to Jesus’ parable of a rich fool. He interpreted it spiritually and ethically as a problem of self-centredness and hard-heartedness to God, and to the needs of others. Alexander Betts & Paul Collier (Refuge, 2018) use similar language in their critique of certain dimensions of refugee policy, the product of a ‘heartless head’. The core issue here is not of seeing ourselves. It’s a risk of seeing only ourselves.
20 Comments
Warita
2/12/2022 12:25:30 pm

I can relate your Blog to the most fav song mirror mirror on the wall,who's the fairest..? I'm joyful because I grew up without a mirror in our nipa house and no way of seeing myself and often times I saw beautiful people and I wish one day I can be beautiful as well. So that's maybe that's the reason why in everything I do my heart,my emotion are my basis to comprehend and to communicate because I havent tried looking into the mirror since I was conscious. Even now that Iam grown up mirror is always an option. Maybe if I've tried looking into the mirror when I was young I will always look into myself and love myself more.Thank you coach for the mirror blog it encouraged me to glance into the mirror tonight😉.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/12/2022 12:52:14 pm

Thank you, Warita. Your comment, 'Mirror, mirror on the wall: who's the fairest..?' reminded me of this short related piece on psychological and relational mirroring that you may find interesting? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/mirror-mirror

I find your sharing from personal experience of having not seen yourself in a literal mirror fascinating. It makes me wonder how much of our sense of self and what decisions we take are influenced by who/what we see in the mirror, what we notice (and not), what judgements we apply etc.

Reply
Anthea Mills
2/12/2022 12:54:38 pm

Hi Nick. As a psychologist I believe a strong sense of self is a critical requisite for healthy development and relationships.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/12/2022 12:55:52 pm

Hi Anthea. I agree. On that theme, this short related piece may be of interest? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/boundaries

Reply
Wang Xiu 王秀
2/12/2022 01:01:25 pm

In Asia, Nick, we sometimes say 'we' when western people say 'I'. For us, family or community first, individual after.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/12/2022 01:09:26 pm

Hi Xiu. Thank you for sharing such an interesting and important cultural insight. It influences profoundly where we believe the 'essential locus' of identity lays, e.g. within the individual, or within the group.

Reply
Kathrin Hoffmann
2/12/2022 01:23:30 pm

Hi Nick! Sometimes I have to focus on myself to feel good. For example, that I sometimes say no when I am asked to do too many tasks. But I'm not only allowed to see myself, my wishes, demands and needs, but also that other people also have needs that are good for them. And this is exactly where I would like to learn more about myself: I want to see myself less and less at the center and more and more the others. I want to learn to put my desires second and support others with their desires for their well-being. It's not always easy and I can't expect others to do the same to me.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/12/2022 05:51:56 pm

Hi Kathrin and thanks for responding so personally. Some recent research suggests there's a correlation between strengthening sense of self and setting-holding personal boundaries. It sounds like you are managing those boundaries well and, at the same time, choosing to look outwards to the needs of others.

Reply
Steve Dwire
2/12/2022 03:08:21 pm

Good observation. This reminds me of another observation often attributed to C. S. Lewis - that humility is not thinking less of ourselves, it's thinking of ourselves less.

Self-awareness is important, but as you point out, awareness of others is crucial, too.

Thanks for sharing this.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/12/2022 05:42:36 pm

Thank you, Steve. Wow - I really like that quotation from C.S. Lewis! :)

Reply
June Webb
2/12/2022 05:35:45 pm

The self is socially constructed as we are relational creatures. If we are God centred we become both/and, we embody both our unique personhood and the ground of our being.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/12/2022 05:41:09 pm

Hi June. Interesting thoughts. In social constructionism, the self is socially-constructed, and the notion of 'self' itself is socially-constructed too. Deep. On that theme, you may find this short piece interesting? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/more-than-words-can-say

Reply
Patrick Dyer
2/12/2022 05:54:17 pm

Interesting article Nick. If we have a clear sense of self, we're more able to exercise personal agency.

Reply
Nick Wright
2/12/2022 05:55:32 pm

Thank you, Patrick. I agree wholeheartedly.

Reply
Ali Ferdinand
2/12/2022 05:56:54 pm

Hi Patrick, Nick. What's "personal agency"?

Nick Wright
2/12/2022 06:05:01 pm

Hi Ali. Good question. We can think of agency as 'choice + action' to influence change. This short related piece says a bit more about it: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/agent-of-change

Alex
3/12/2022 08:37:23 am

Thanks Nick
Insightful and challenging.
It reminds me too of studies on compassion that show one of the biggest obstacles to people showing compassion to strangers in public, is about self - essentially, which group is it best for me to identify myself with? Those walking by or those getting involved?
Humbling challenging stuff. Thanks Nick

Reply
Nick Wright
3/12/2022 10:32:07 am

Thank you, Alex. Your reflections reminded me of Jesus' parable of the 'good Samaritan' (Luke 10:25-37). Who and what we identify as influence who and what we identify with.

On the Samaritan theme, you may find a couple of short related pieces interesting? One is based on Jasmin in the Philippines; the other on a group of Christian bikers that I identify with(!):

https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/samarita
https://www.nick-wright.com/samaritans-donkey.html

Reply
Mark Walton
3/12/2022 11:49:31 pm

The core issue here is not of seeing ourselves. It’s a risk of seeing only ourselves. That made me stop and think, Nick.

Reply
Nick Wright
3/12/2022 11:51:03 pm

Hi Mark. It made me stop and think too as I wrote it. It challenges me to examine my own life, priorities and decisions.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

    Picture
    Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
    Subscribe to Blog
    Picture
    Picture


    ​Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Abc
    Ability
    Accountability
    Achievement
    Act
    Action
    Action Learning
    Activism
    Adaptability
    Adaptive
    Advent
    Adventure
    Africa
    Agency
    Agile
    Ambiguity
    Angle
    Anticipation
    Anxiety
    Appraisal
    Appreciation
    Appreciative
    Appreciative Inquiry
    Approach
    Argyris
    Asia
    Assumption
    Assumptions
    Asylum
    Attachment
    Attention
    Attitude
    Audience
    Authenticity
    Authority
    Autonomy
    Avoidance
    Awareness
    Behaviour
    Being
    Belief
    Beliefs
    Bias
    Bible
    Body Language
    Boundaries
    Brainstorming
    Brand
    Calling
    Care
    Career
    Censorship
    Challenge
    Change
    Character
    Charity
    Child
    Choice
    Choose
    Christ
    Christian
    Christmas
    Clarity
    Client
    Climate
    Coach
    Coaching
    Coactive
    Cognition
    Cognitive
    Cognitive Behavioural
    Commitment
    Communication
    Community
    Compassion
    Competence
    Competencies
    Complexity
    Concepts
    Conflict
    Confluence
    Congruence
    Consciousness
    Construct
    Constructs
    Construe
    Consultancy
    Contact
    Content
    Context
    Contracting
    Contribution
    Control
    Conversation
    Corruption
    Counselling
    Counterintiution
    Counterintuition
    Countertransference
    Courage
    Craziness
    Creativity
    Credibility
    Crisis
    Critical Consciousness
    Critical Reflection
    Critical Reflective Practice
    Critical Reflexivity
    Critical Thinking
    Critique
    Cross
    Cross Culture
    Cross-culture
    Culture
    Curiosity
    Customer Care
    Customers
    Customer Service
    Death
    Deception
    Decision
    Deconstruction
    Defence
    Defences
    Deferred Gratification
    Definition
    Delusion
    Democracy
    Depression
    Determination
    Development
    Deviance
    Deviant
    Diagnosis
    Disaster
    Discernment
    Disclosure
    Discovery
    Discrimination
    Disruptive
    Dissent
    Dissident
    Dissonance
    Distinctiveness
    Distortion
    Diversity
    Dream
    Dynamic
    Dynamics
    Easter
    Ecology
    Edge
    Edi
    Education
    Effectiveness
    Efficiency
    Ego State
    Eliciting
    Emergence
    Emotion
    Emotional
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empathy
    Empowerment
    Encouragement
    Energy
    Engagement
    Environment
    Equality
    Eternity
    Ethics
    Ethiopia
    Evaluation
    Evidence
    Evocative
    Existential
    Existentialism
    Expectation
    Expectations
    Experience
    Experiment
    Experimentation
    Exploration
    Explore
    Exposure
    Facilitation
    Faith
    Fear
    Feedback
    Feeling
    Feminism
    Figure
    Filter
    Fit
    Flashback
    Focus
    Forgiveness
    Framework
    Freedom
    Freud
    Fun
    Future
    Gender
    Geopolitical
    Geopolitics
    Gestalt
    Global
    Goal
    Goals
    God
    Gospel
    Grace
    Grief
    Grit
    Ground
    Group
    Guidance
    Healing
    Health
    Hear
    Heidegger
    Hero
    Hope
    Human
    Human Givens
    Humanity
    Human Resources
    Human Rights
    Humility
    Humour
    Hybrid
    Hypotheses
    Hypothesis
    Icon
    Ideation
    Identity
    Image
    Imagination
    Impact
    Impostor
    Inclusion
    Independence
    Influence
    INGO
    Initiative
    Injustice
    Innovation
    Inquiry
    Insecurity
    Insight
    Inspiration
    Instinct
    Integrity
    Intention
    Interdependence
    Interference
    International
    Interpretation
    Intimacy
    Introversion
    Intuition
    Invisible
    Jargon
    Jesus
    Journey
    Jungle
    Justice
    Keys
    Knowing
    Knowledge
    Labels
    Language
    Lateral Thinking
    Leader
    Leadership
    Learning
    Lesson
    Liberal
    Life
    Light
    Listening
    Logic
    Loss
    Love
    Management
    Manager
    Marathon
    Matrix
    Mbti
    Meaning
    Media
    Mediation
    Meetings
    Memory
    Mentoring
    Merit
    Metaphor
    Metaphysic
    Mindfulness
    Miracle
    Mirroring
    Misfit
    Mission
    Mode
    Morality
    Motivation
    Mystery
    Narrative
    Nazis
    Need
    Negotiation
    Neo-Nazi
    Networking
    News
    New Year
    Norm
    Norms
    Noticing
    Online
    Operations
    Opportunity
    Oppression
    Organisation
    Organisation Develoment
    Organisation Development
    Origin
    Pace
    Panic
    Paradigm
    Paradox
    Partnership
    Passion
    Pastoral
    Pattern Matching
    Peace
    People
    Perception
    Perfectionism
    Performance
    Perseverance
    Personal Constructs
    Personal Leadership
    Person Centred
    Perspective
    Phenomenology
    Phenomenon
    Philippines
    Philosophy
    Physicality
    Plan
    Plans
    Plato
    Play
    Plot
    Polarity
    Policy
    Politics
    Poor
    Positive
    Positive Psychology
    Posture
    Potential
    Potential#
    Poverty
    Power
    Practice
    Pragmatism
    Praxis
    Prayer
    Preference
    Preferences
    Prepare
    Presence
    Principles
    Priorities
    Priority
    Privilege
    Proactivity
    Problem Solving
    Process
    Professional
    Progressive
    Projection
    Projects
    Prompt
    Propaganda
    Protection
    Protest
    Providence
    Provocative
    Psychoanalysis
    Psychodynamic
    Psychodynamics
    Psychology
    Psychometrics
    Psychotherapy
    Purpose
    Quality
    Questions
    Race
    Radical
    Rational
    Rationale
    Rationalisation
    Rationality
    Reality
    Reason
    Reasoning
    Reconciliation
    Recruitment
    Reflect
    Reflection
    Reflective Practice
    Reflexivity
    Reframing
    Refugee
    Refugees
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Release
    Religion
    Representation
    Rescue
    Research
    Resilience
    Resonance
    Resourcefulness
    Responsibility
    Responsive
    Responsiveness
    Revelation
    Reward
    Rights
    Risk
    Role
    Role Model
    Rosabeth Moss-kanter
    Rules
    Sabbath
    Satire
    Satnav
    Saviour
    Schemata
    School
    Science
    Secure Base
    Security
    See
    Selection
    Selective Attention
    Self
    Sense Making
    Senses
    Sensitivity
    Serendipity
    Servant
    Shadow
    Significance
    Silence
    Sin
    Skills
    Social Construct
    Social Construction
    Social Constructionism
    Social Media
    Social Psychology
    Socrates
    Solution Focused
    Solutions
    Solutions Focus
    Solutions-focus
    Space
    Speed
    Spirit
    Spirituality
    Stance
    Stealth
    Stereotype
    Stereotypes
    Story
    Strategic
    Strategy
    Strengths
    Stress
    Stretch
    Structure
    Struggle
    Stuck
    Style
    Subconscious
    Subjectivity
    Success
    Suffering
    Supervision
    Support
    Survival
    Sustainability
    Symbol
    Symbolism
    Systems
    Systems Thinking
    TA
    Tactical
    Tactics
    Talent
    Teaching
    Team
    Teamwork
    Teenage
    Theology
    Theory
    Therapy
    Thinking
    Thought
    Time
    Touch
    Toys
    Traction
    Trade
    Tradition
    Training
    Transactional Analysis
    Transference
    Transformation
    Transition
    Transitional Object
    Trauma
    Trust
    Truth
    Uncertainty
    Unexpected
    Vallues
    Value
    Values
    Violence
    Visibility
    Vision
    Voice
    VUCA
    Vulnerability
    Vulnerable
    Waiting
    War
    Wealth
    Weird
    Wellbeing
    Will
    Willingness
    Window
    Wisdom
    Wonder
    Words
    World
    Worth
    Youth
    Zoom

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact