NICK WRIGHT
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact

Pushback

16/3/2023

18 Comments

 
Picture

‘The revolution will not be organised. Let the power go.’ (Bob Hunter, Greenpeace)

‘No offence intended, Nick, but we don’t want to be here. We were sent. We didn’t choose this.’ This has been the opening salvo from two different training groups I’ve worked with. The first was a group of leaders at an Action Learning facilitators’ training event in England; the second a group of managers at a similar workshop in Wales. In both cases, I loved their open and stark honesty. What a fantastic place to work from, and so much more energising than dancing around issues whilst paying lip service to engagement. It blew away empty superficiality and platitudes from the outset and provided a great opportunity to do something important and real.

In the first case, I thanked them for their honesty and reflected back what I had heard of how they were feeling. I then explained that developing a sense of personal agency lays at the heart of Action Learning – how to expand a person’s scope of choice, influence and change. In a spirit of curiosity, I asked if their pushback was in response to their felt lack-of-choice, and-or to the facilitator training per se, or to something else? They looked thoughtful, then said, ‘The lack of choice’. I responded, ‘So, here-and-now, you do have a choice. If you were to do something really useful today, what would you choose to do?’ ‘OK - let’s do the Action Learning training.’

In the second, I responded similarly. The workshop was being held in North Wales and participants protested that they resented having to speak in English so that I, a non-Welsh speaker, could understand. I acknowledged that it could well feel strange to speak in English if they normally speak with one-another in Welsh. Then I offered the group two options – their choice. We could conduct the skills practice in English, in which case I would be able to offer input and feedback that they may find useful. Or, we could conduct it in Welsh, in which case they could feel more comfortable, but I could contribute less. What would they choose? ‘OK - let’s do it in English.’

How to work with resistance? The revolution will not be organised. Let the power go.
18 Comments
John Daniels
16/3/2023 03:28:06 pm

Hey Nick. Let the power go. I try too hard to manage situations. That creates more resistance. I can see that now!

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 03:32:31 pm

Hi John. Thanks for such an honest response. I notice that people often resist something, even if they agree with it, if it feels forced upon them. Conversely, people are often willing to support something, even if they disagree with it, if they feel heard and understood - and offered genuine choice.

Rather than trying to manage such situations, I try to resolve them in an invitational, participative and coactive spirit. On that theme, this short related piece may be of interest? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-knowing

Reply
Anne Wood
16/3/2023 05:12:19 pm

What to do Nick, if people who need to do mandatory training don't want to sign up in the first place?

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 05:19:31 pm

Hi Anne. That's a good question and can be tricky to navigate in practice. Some of of the ways I've tried that have proved most successful are:

*Invite peers who have done the programme previously, and who have found it useful, and whom those people would regard as credible, to share their honest feedback at an open intro/taster/orientation session, or by written testimonials on course advertisements or other programme information.

*Meet with those participants who, for whatever reason, appear reluctant, to engage in open conversation. 'If you were to commit to this, what would make it worthwhile for you?' 'What would you need from me, others or yourself to bring your best to this and draw the greatest benefit from it?'

How does that sound?

Reply
Derek Hanson
16/3/2023 05:24:13 pm

Like anyone, I love a happy ending Nick. But what if you do all those things and the people still refuse to get involved? How do you avoid presenteeism?

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 05:31:54 pm

Hi Derek. That's another great question. A few thoughts come to mind that may be useful:

*I can't control people's willingness to learn. ‘You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it think.’ (Mark Lawson, Twisted Idioms)

*Pushback is a form of engagement and, for me, its about harnessing that energy to achieve a mutually-meaningful and successful outcome.

*I try to engage with participants in a genuine spirit of curiosity, to see if we can discover or co-create a solution if we're really stuck.

*Worst case scenario, we may need to cancel the training and report back why to the client. I've never needed to take that route (...yet!).

Reply
Hans Vogel
16/3/2023 05:33:17 pm

You are wrong. If a person push back, push them off the training. Don't waste time and effort.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 05:46:25 pm

Hi Hans. Thank you for modelling pushback! :) Net time and effort are certainly important considerations to bear in mind. What other considerations do you think a trainer would do well to bear in mind..?

Reply
Janice Longley
16/3/2023 05:37:50 pm

I like your approach. You are respectful and give people choice. That's probably why you get such positive responses. I think I would get defensive and push back! How do you handle it so differently, Nick?

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 05:44:07 pm

Thank you, Janice. I've learned over the years that it's so important to prepare myself, not simply training materials etc. I think of it as grounding myself in a stance that then enables me to move freely and in a spirit of curiosity.

The three principles that now shape everything I do are: Prayer, Presence, Participation. In case of interest, I say a bit more about what that entails in practice here: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/guiding-principles3583549

Reply
Colin Fraser
16/3/2023 05:58:24 pm

Hello Nick! Pushback because I don't feel like meeting, because I'm not interested in it, because I don't think it's important, or because I could use the time more sensibly. Even if the coach asks me what I want and gives me the choice to change some things in the process, it's still difficult for me to motivate myself and engage positively in the meeting.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 10:49:03 pm

Hi Colin. Yes, that's true - we can't always find a way to engage if, for whatever reason, we really don't want to be there. I'm not sure if a coach can motivate a person either. A coach can seek to tap into what matters to a person or people in a group, in the hope that it may inspire and influence their motivation and engagement. This is where techniques such as 'motivational interviewing' can help - but they're certainly not a silver bullet..!

Reply
Funmi Johnson
16/3/2023 06:56:27 pm

I love the way you seem to lean in to whatever you are faced with.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 10:52:28 pm

Thank you, Funmi. It has taken me many years to learn that, often, curiosity is an antidote to anxiety. It does mean I need to prepare myself before engaging with an individual or group - grounding myself in prayer, presence and participation as far as I'm able, so that I can lean into, rather than pull back from, whatever may emerge.

Reply
Funmi Johnson
16/3/2023 11:49:29 pm

I always learn something from your posts. Definitely going to put this into practice. Every blessing.

Nick Wright
16/3/2023 11:50:16 pm

Thank you for your great encouragement, Funmi. God bless you too. 🙏

Chris Lever
24/3/2023 01:47:30 pm

Always admire the way you take what you have and try and work something positive.

I facilitated an AL day at a local council. They too had been sent and it was obvious they weren’t going play. The relationships in the room were as toxic as those in the Council and they had no intention to fix them. There was too much perverse payoff in their power game. In this case I exercised my choice and left. I refused to play rescuer or victim. Sometimes choice goes all ways!

Reply
Nick Wright
24/3/2023 02:54:25 pm

Thanks Chris. I would say that choice always goes both ways. It sounds like there was little useful you could have done with the group and situation you faced. I, too, have walked away at times...and at times stayed when I should have walked away.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

    Picture
    Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
    Subscribe to Blog
    Picture
    Picture


    ​Archives

    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Abc
    Ability
    Accountability
    Achievement
    Act
    Action
    Action Learning
    Active Listening
    Activism
    Adaptability
    Adaptive
    Advent
    Adventure
    Advice
    Advocacy
    Africa
    Age
    Agency
    Agile
    Aid
    Alientation
    Ambiguity
    Anchor
    Angle
    Anthropomorphism
    Anticipation
    Anxiety
    Appraisal
    Appreciation
    Appreciative
    Appreciative Inquiry
    Approach
    Argyris
    Armaments
    Art
    Artificial Intelligence
    Asia
    Aslan
    Assertiveness
    Assumption
    Assumptions
    Asylum
    Asylum Seekers
    Attachment
    Attention
    Attitude
    Attribution
    Audience
    Authenticity
    Authority
    Autonomy
    Avoidance
    Awareness
    BANI
    Baptist
    Behaviour
    Being
    Belief
    Beliefs
    Belonging
    Bereavement
    Berlin Wall
    Bias
    Bible
    Body Language
    Borders
    Boundaries
    Brainstorming
    Brand
    Bridges
    Burnout
    Business
    Cages
    Calling
    Capability
    Cards
    Care
    Career
    Categories
    Censorship
    Challenge
    Chance
    Change
    Chaos
    Character
    Charity
    Child
    Children
    Choice
    Choose
    Christ
    Christian
    Christmas
    Church
    Clarity
    Client
    Climate
    Coach
    Coaching
    Co-active
    Coactive
    Cognition
    Cognitive
    Cognitive Behavioural
    Coincidence
    Collaboration
    Collaborative
    Commitment
    Communication
    Communism
    Community
    Compassion
    Competence
    Competencies
    Competency
    Complexity
    Concepts
    Confidence
    Confidentiality
    Conflict
    Confluence
    Confusion
    Congruence
    Conscience
    Consciousness
    Consequences
    Construct
    Constructivism
    Constructs
    Construe
    Consultancy
    Consulting
    Contact
    Content
    Context
    Contracting
    Contribution
    Control
    Conversation
    Corruption
    Counselling
    Counterintiution
    Counterintuition
    Countertransference
    Courage
    Craziness
    Creativity
    Credibility
    Crisis
    Critical Consciousness
    Critical Reflection
    Critical Reflective Practice
    Critical Reflexivity
    Critical Thinking
    Critique
    Cross
    Cross Cultural
    Cross-cultural
    Cross Culture
    Cross-culture
    Culture
    Curiosity
    Customer Care
    Customers
    Customer Service
    Dad
    Danger
    Darkness
    Death
    Deception
    Decision
    Deconstruction
    Defence
    Defences
    Deferred Gratification
    Definition
    Delight
    Delusion
    Dementia
    Democracy
    Demographics
    Depression
    Despair
    Determination
    Development
    Deviance
    Deviant
    Diagnosis
    Dictatorship
    Diet
    Dignity
    Dilemma
    Disability
    Disaster
    Discernment
    Discipline
    Disclosure
    Discovery
    Discrimination
    Disruptive
    Dissent
    Dissident
    Dissonance
    Distinctiveness
    Distortion
    Diversity
    Doomscrolling
    Dream
    Dynamic
    Dynamic Complexity
    Dynamics
    Dysfunction
    Dysthymia
    Easter
    Ecology
    Economics
    Ecosystems
    Edge
    Edi
    Education
    Effectiveness
    Efficiency
    Ego State
    Election
    Eliciting
    Emergence
    Emotion
    Emotional
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empathy
    Empowerment
    Encounter
    Encouragement
    Energy
    Engagement
    Entrepreneur
    Environment
    Equality
    Eternity
    Ethics
    Ethiopia
    Europe
    Evaluation
    Evidence
    Evocative
    Evolution
    Existential
    Existentialism
    Expectation
    Expectations
    Experience
    Experiences
    Experiment
    Experimentation
    Expertise
    Exploration
    Explore
    Exposure
    Expression
    Extremism
    Facilitation
    Facilitator
    Faciltitation
    Factors
    Faith
    Family
    Fantasy
    Far Right
    Father
    Fear
    Feedback
    Feeling
    Feminism
    Field Theory
    Fight Fight Freeze
    Fight-fight-freeze
    Fight Flight Freeze
    Figure
    Filter
    Fit
    Flashback
    Focus
    Focus Groups
    Food Bank
    Forgiveness
    Framework
    Freedom
    Free Speech
    Freud
    Friends
    Fun
    Future
    Gaza
    Gaze
    Gender
    Geopolitical
    Geopolitics
    German
    Germany
    Gestalt
    Gift
    Global
    Goal
    Goals
    God
    Good Friday
    Gospel
    Grace
    Grief
    Grit
    Ground
    Group
    Groups
    Groupwork
    Guidance
    Guilt
    Habit
    Healing
    Health
    Hear
    Heidegger
    Hermeneutics
    Hero
    Hierarchy
    History
    Holistic
    Holy Spirit
    Home
    Homeless
    Homelessness
    Honesty
    Hope
    Hopelessness
    Hubris
    Human
    Human Givens
    Humanitarian
    Humanity
    Human Resources
    Human Rights
    Humility
    Humour
    Hybrid
    Hypotheses
    Hypothesis
    Icon
    Idealising
    Ideas
    Ideation
    Identity
    Ideology
    Image
    Imagination
    Immersion
    Immigration
    Impact
    Impostor
    Improvisation
    Incarnation
    Inclusion
    Independence
    Influence
    Influences
    Influencing
    INGO
    Initiative
    Injustice
    Innovation
    Inquiry
    Insecurity
    Insight
    Inspiration
    Instinct
    Integrity
    Intention
    Intercultural
    Interdependence
    Interference
    International
    Interpretation
    Intersectionality
    Intimacy
    Introjection
    Introversion
    Intuition
    Invisible
    Invitation
    Iran
    Irrationality
    Israel
    Jargon
    Jesus
    Jolt
    Journey
    Joy
    Judgements
    Jungle
    Justice
    Keys
    Kindness
    Knowing
    Knowledge
    Labels
    Language
    Lateral Thinking
    Leader
    Leadership
    Leadership Teams
    Learner
    Learning
    Legacy
    Lent
    Lesson
    Liberal
    Life
    Light
    Linguistic
    Listening
    Logic
    Loss
    Love
    Management
    Manager
    Manipulation
    Marathon
    Marginalisation
    Marketing
    Martin Luther King
    Matrix
    Mbti
    Meaning
    Media
    Mediation
    Meditation
    Meetings
    Memory
    Mental Health
    Mentoring
    Merit
    Metaphor
    Metaphysic
    Metaphysics
    Mindfulness
    Miracle
    Mirror
    Mirroring
    Misfit
    Mission
    Mode
    Montessori
    Morality
    Motivation
    Music
    Mystery
    Narrative
    Nationalism
    Nativity
    Nazis
    Need
    Negotiation
    Neo-Nazi
    Networking
    News
    New Year
    Norm
    Norms
    Noticing
    Online
    Operations
    Opportunity
    Oppression
    Options
    Organisation
    Organisation Develoment
    Organisation Development
    Orientation
    Origin
    Outcome
    Pace
    Pain
    Palestinian
    Panic
    Paradigm
    Paradox
    Parent
    Partnership
    Passion
    Pastoral
    Pastoral Care
    Pattern Matching
    Patterns
    Peace
    People
    Perception
    Perfectionism
    Performance
    Perseverance
    Personal Constructs
    Personal Leadership
    Person Centred
    Perspective
    Persuasion
    Phenomenology
    Phenomenon
    Philippines
    Philosophy
    Physical
    Physicality
    Place
    Plan
    Plane
    Plans
    Platitude
    Plato
    Play
    Plot
    Polarity
    Policy
    Politics
    Poor
    Positive
    Positive Psychology
    Posture
    Potential
    Potential#
    Poverty
    Power
    Powerlessness
    Practice
    Pragmatism
    Praxis
    Prayer
    Preference
    Preferences
    Prepare
    Presence
    Presentation
    Principles
    Priorities
    Priority
    Privilege
    Proactive
    Proactivity
    Problem Solving
    Procedure
    Process
    Prodigal
    Professional
    Profit
    Progressive
    Projection
    Projects
    Prompt
    Propaganda
    Protection
    Protest
    Providence
    Provocative
    Psychoanalysis
    Psychodynamic
    Psychodynamics
    Psychology
    Psychometrics
    Psychotherapy
    Purpose
    Pushback
    Quality
    Quest
    Question
    Questions
    Race
    Radical
    Rainbow
    Rational
    Rationale
    Rationalisation
    Rationality
    Ratlonality
    Realisation
    Reality
    Reason
    Reasoning
    Reconciiliation
    Reconciliation
    Recruitment
    Reflect
    Reflection
    Reflective Practice
    Reflexivity
    Reframing
    Refugee
    Refugees
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Release
    Relief
    Religion
    Representation
    Rescue
    Research
    Resilience
    Resistance
    Resonance
    Resourcefulness
    Respect
    Responsibility
    Responsive
    Responsiveness
    Retreat
    Revelation
    Reward
    Rhetoric
    Rich
    Rights
    Riot
    Risk
    Role
    Role Model
    Roman Catholic
    Rosabeth Moss-kanter
    Rules
    Russia
    Sabbath
    Sacred
    Safeguarding
    Safety
    Salvation
    Satire
    Satnav
    Saviour
    Scepticism
    Schemata
    School
    Science
    Secure Base
    Security
    See
    Selection
    Selective Attention
    Self
    Self-deception
    Self-sacrifice
    Sense Making
    Sense-making
    Senses
    Sensitivity
    Serendipity
    Servant
    Shadow
    Shock
    Significance
    Silence
    Simplicity
    Sin
    Skills
    Skin Colour
    Snake
    Social Change
    Social Construct
    Social Construction
    Social Constructionism
    Social Constructs
    Social Enterprise
    Social Entrepreneurship
    Social Media
    Social Psychology
    Social Work
    Sociology
    Socrates
    Solution Focused
    Solutions
    Solutions Focus
    Solutions-focus
    Somalia
    Song
    South Sudan
    Space
    Speak
    Speech
    Speed
    Spirit
    Spiritual
    Spirituality
    Stance
    Status
    Stealth
    Stereotype
    Stereotypes
    Stereotyping
    St Francis
    Stimulus
    Storm
    Story
    Strategic
    Strategy
    Strengths
    Stress
    Stretch
    Structure
    Struggle
    Stuck
    Student
    Style
    Subconscious
    Subjectivity
    Success
    Sudan
    Suffering
    Supervision
    Support
    Survival
    Sustainability
    Symbol
    Symbolism
    Symbols
    Synergy
    Systems
    Systems Thinking
    TA
    Tactical
    Tactics
    Talent
    Teacher
    Teaching
    Team
    Team Meeting
    Teams
    Teamwork
    Teamworking
    Technology
    Teenage
    Tension
    Theology
    Theory
    Therapy
    Thinking
    Thought
    Time
    Touch
    Toys
    Traction
    Trade
    Trade Union
    Tradition
    Training
    Transactional Analysis
    Transference
    Transformation
    Transition
    Transitional Object
    Trauma
    Trends
    Trust
    Truth
    Turbulence
    Type
    Ubuntu
    Ukraine
    Uncertainty
    Unexpected
    United Nations
    University
    Use Of Self
    Valentine
    Vallues
    Value
    Valued
    Values
    Vicious Cycle
    Violence
    Virtuous Cycle
    Visibility
    Visible
    Vision
    Vocation
    Voice
    Voting
    VUCA
    Vulnerability
    Vulnerable
    Waiting
    Walls
    War
    Warning
    Wealth
    Weird
    Wellbeing
    Will
    Willingness
    Window
    Wisdom
    Witness
    Women
    Wonder
    Words
    World
    Worth
    Youth
    Zero-sum
    Zoom

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Services
  • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Organisations and leadership
    • Learning and development
    • Coaching and counselling
  • Blog
  • e-Resources
  • News
  • Contact