NICK WRIGHT
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Pushback

16/3/2023

18 Comments

 
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‘The revolution will not be organised. Let the power go.’ (Bob Hunter, Greenpeace)

‘No offence intended, Nick, but we don’t want to be here. We were sent. We didn’t choose this.’ This has been the opening salvo from two different training groups I’ve worked with. The first was a group of leaders at an Action Learning facilitators’ training event in England; the second a group of managers at a similar workshop in Wales. In both cases, I loved their open and stark honesty. What a fantastic place to work from, and so much more energising than dancing around issues whilst paying lip service to engagement. It blew away empty superficiality and platitudes from the outset and provided a great opportunity to do something important and real.

In the first case, I thanked them for their honesty and reflected back what I had heard of how they were feeling. I then explained that developing a sense of personal agency lays at the heart of Action Learning – how to expand a person’s scope of choice, influence and change. In a spirit of curiosity, I asked if their pushback was in response to their felt lack-of-choice, and-or to the facilitator training per se, or to something else? They looked thoughtful, then said, ‘The lack of choice’. I responded, ‘So, here-and-now, you do have a choice. If you were to do something really useful today, what would you choose to do?’ ‘OK - let’s do the Action Learning training.’

In the second, I responded similarly. The workshop was being held in North Wales and participants protested that they resented having to speak in English so that I, a non-Welsh speaker, could understand. I acknowledged that it could well feel strange to speak in English if they normally speak with one-another in Welsh. Then I offered the group two options – their choice. We could conduct the skills practice in English, in which case I would be able to offer input and feedback that they may find useful. Or, we could conduct it in Welsh, in which case they could feel more comfortable, but I could contribute less. What would they choose? ‘OK - let’s do it in English.’

How to work with resistance? The revolution will not be organised. Let the power go.
18 Comments
John Daniels
16/3/2023 03:28:06 pm

Hey Nick. Let the power go. I try too hard to manage situations. That creates more resistance. I can see that now!

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 03:32:31 pm

Hi John. Thanks for such an honest response. I notice that people often resist something, even if they agree with it, if it feels forced upon them. Conversely, people are often willing to support something, even if they disagree with it, if they feel heard and understood - and offered genuine choice.

Rather than trying to manage such situations, I try to resolve them in an invitational, participative and coactive spirit. On that theme, this short related piece may be of interest? https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/not-knowing

Reply
Anne Wood
16/3/2023 05:12:19 pm

What to do Nick, if people who need to do mandatory training don't want to sign up in the first place?

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 05:19:31 pm

Hi Anne. That's a good question and can be tricky to navigate in practice. Some of of the ways I've tried that have proved most successful are:

*Invite peers who have done the programme previously, and who have found it useful, and whom those people would regard as credible, to share their honest feedback at an open intro/taster/orientation session, or by written testimonials on course advertisements or other programme information.

*Meet with those participants who, for whatever reason, appear reluctant, to engage in open conversation. 'If you were to commit to this, what would make it worthwhile for you?' 'What would you need from me, others or yourself to bring your best to this and draw the greatest benefit from it?'

How does that sound?

Reply
Derek Hanson
16/3/2023 05:24:13 pm

Like anyone, I love a happy ending Nick. But what if you do all those things and the people still refuse to get involved? How do you avoid presenteeism?

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 05:31:54 pm

Hi Derek. That's another great question. A few thoughts come to mind that may be useful:

*I can't control people's willingness to learn. ‘You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it think.’ (Mark Lawson, Twisted Idioms)

*Pushback is a form of engagement and, for me, its about harnessing that energy to achieve a mutually-meaningful and successful outcome.

*I try to engage with participants in a genuine spirit of curiosity, to see if we can discover or co-create a solution if we're really stuck.

*Worst case scenario, we may need to cancel the training and report back why to the client. I've never needed to take that route (...yet!).

Reply
Hans Vogel
16/3/2023 05:33:17 pm

You are wrong. If a person push back, push them off the training. Don't waste time and effort.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 05:46:25 pm

Hi Hans. Thank you for modelling pushback! :) Net time and effort are certainly important considerations to bear in mind. What other considerations do you think a trainer would do well to bear in mind..?

Reply
Janice Longley
16/3/2023 05:37:50 pm

I like your approach. You are respectful and give people choice. That's probably why you get such positive responses. I think I would get defensive and push back! How do you handle it so differently, Nick?

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 05:44:07 pm

Thank you, Janice. I've learned over the years that it's so important to prepare myself, not simply training materials etc. I think of it as grounding myself in a stance that then enables me to move freely and in a spirit of curiosity.

The three principles that now shape everything I do are: Prayer, Presence, Participation. In case of interest, I say a bit more about what that entails in practice here: https://www.nick-wright.com/blog/guiding-principles3583549

Reply
Colin Fraser
16/3/2023 05:58:24 pm

Hello Nick! Pushback because I don't feel like meeting, because I'm not interested in it, because I don't think it's important, or because I could use the time more sensibly. Even if the coach asks me what I want and gives me the choice to change some things in the process, it's still difficult for me to motivate myself and engage positively in the meeting.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 10:49:03 pm

Hi Colin. Yes, that's true - we can't always find a way to engage if, for whatever reason, we really don't want to be there. I'm not sure if a coach can motivate a person either. A coach can seek to tap into what matters to a person or people in a group, in the hope that it may inspire and influence their motivation and engagement. This is where techniques such as 'motivational interviewing' can help - but they're certainly not a silver bullet..!

Reply
Funmi Johnson
16/3/2023 06:56:27 pm

I love the way you seem to lean in to whatever you are faced with.

Reply
Nick Wright
16/3/2023 10:52:28 pm

Thank you, Funmi. It has taken me many years to learn that, often, curiosity is an antidote to anxiety. It does mean I need to prepare myself before engaging with an individual or group - grounding myself in prayer, presence and participation as far as I'm able, so that I can lean into, rather than pull back from, whatever may emerge.

Reply
Funmi Johnson
16/3/2023 11:49:29 pm

I always learn something from your posts. Definitely going to put this into practice. Every blessing.

Nick Wright
16/3/2023 11:50:16 pm

Thank you for your great encouragement, Funmi. God bless you too. 🙏

Chris Lever
24/3/2023 01:47:30 pm

Always admire the way you take what you have and try and work something positive.

I facilitated an AL day at a local council. They too had been sent and it was obvious they weren’t going play. The relationships in the room were as toxic as those in the Council and they had no intention to fix them. There was too much perverse payoff in their power game. In this case I exercised my choice and left. I refused to play rescuer or victim. Sometimes choice goes all ways!

Reply
Nick Wright
24/3/2023 02:54:25 pm

Thanks Chris. I would say that choice always goes both ways. It sounds like there was little useful you could have done with the group and situation you faced. I, too, have walked away at times...and at times stayed when I should have walked away.

Reply



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    ​Nick Wright

    ​I'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? ​Get in touch!

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