‘Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.’ (Franz Kafka) It felt painful to find myself nodding in agreement with some of the things J.D. Vance said at the Munich Security Conference last week. Painful to hear such a stinging critique of freedom of expression from a representative of a President that publicly and shamelessly hunts down his own opponents. Painful to hear the announcement of what sounded like potential heralding of the ending of a special relationship (ironic, perhaps, on Valentines Day). Painful to see the shock and surprise of European leaders caught off guard by such an entirely predictable US stance. Painful most of all for me, however, was the reflection of reality and truth in the assertion that the biggest threat to Western democracy isn’t foreign aggression but the erosion of free speech at home, with the UK leading the charge in policing thought and others in Europe close behind. Although some of the finer details in Vance’s speech were to be rightly challenged by fact-checking, the thrust of his argument calls for careful and urgent consideration; not the defensive denials we witnessed from hurt leaders wringing their hands, as if misunderstood. [Are you concerned about defending free speech? See: Free Speech Union; Alumni for Free Speech]
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‘It’s about recognizing the spark of greatness even in moments of darkness – and nurturing it to light the way forward.’ (Dr Wayne Dyer) Coaching has been described as ‘the art of the obvious’ – helping clients recognise what is hidden in plain sight. Coaches use various techniques to bring these insights to the surface such as asking thought-provoking questions, mirroring language and gestures, or engaging clients in physical experiments. A shift in awareness often provides the focus, energy and momentum needed for meaningful change. Coaching in action: Lisa’s fear of presentations Lisa, a new manager, says she feels scared of giving presentations. She feels sick and tries to avoid them. Someone may pose direct questions like:
While these could be useful, deeper exploration may be needed. Different coaching approaches offer varied pathways for insight and growth. Here are some examples, drawing on my own studies, training and practice in diverse psychological fields: Solutions-focused
Strengths-based
Cognitive
Psychodynamic
Neurolinguistic
Gestalt-somatic
Existential
Spiritual
Critical
Behavioural
Conclusion Different coaching approaches provide unique lenses through which clients can explore and address their challenges. The key is finding the method that best aligns with the clients' needs and interests, and unlocks awareness, confidence and action for meaningful growth. Would you be interested to work with a coach? Get in touch! ‘If you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you’, says the Lord, ‘and if you seek yourself you will find yourself – but to your own undoing.’ (Thomas à Kempis) Valentines Day seems like an appropriate occasion to write on the theme of love. While the origins of the event have become misty over time, St Valentine was murdered, by most accounts, because he refused to give up his faith in Jesus, in God who is love. This example of self-sacrifice, like that of Jesus before him, is a hard act to follow. I’ve decided to reflect on a prayer attributed to St Francis, another remarkable example of self-sacrificial love, which draws on Jesus’ and St Paul’s teachings in the Bible, and to use it as my own prayer for today: ‘Make me a channel of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me bring your love. Where there is injury, your pardon Lord. Where there is doubt, true faith in You. Where there is despair in life, let me bring hope. Where there is darkness, only light. Where there is sadness, ever joy. Oh Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled, as to console. To be understood, as to understand. To be loved, as to love with all my soul. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. It is in giving to all that we receive and in dying that we are born to eternal life.’
‘When we know people whose lives are being destroyed and there seems to be no way of reaching them; when people are in impossible situations and there are no words to help them…hold them at the centre of prayer, where the divine Christ dwells, and expose them to the rays of his love.’ (Iain Matthew) Friedensgebet (‘prayers for peace’) felt even more earnest this evening than last time I was here. As we entered the church, each person lit a candle and placed it on a silver cross before a figure of the crucified Christ. It felt like holding the suffering of the world before one who knows what it is to endure pain. The candle I lit barely flickered at first, as if struggling to spark itself into even the tiniest glimmer of a flame. Hope, too, can sometimes feel like that. Those present reflected on certain parallels in German society today with those that preceded the rise of the Nazis so many years ago now. That was an unspeakably dark period in German history which, at times like this, still surfaces, smoulders and burns in the people’s collective psyche. I could feel their sense of concern and anguish about the forthcoming general election. Would Germany learn from its history, or would it find itself condemned to repeat it? As we prayed, I recalled Iain Matthew’s soulful spiritual wisdom: ‘Feel the way to the wound that is in us, to the place of our need. Go there, take it, name it; hold it before Christ. Feel our way to the wounds of this world, to those people or situations in dire need of healing. Go there, take them, name them; and hold them before him. Go there, not to dictate to Christ what the answer should be or what he should do about it; but to hold the wound before him.’ Yes. ‘We can create together new ways of speaking and acting. We must not remain forever bound by history.’ (Kenneth Gergen) This was a new experience for me. A guided group retreat at a Benedictine monastery in the North of England last week. 3 days of reflections on people’s encounters with Jesus in the gospels, led by a deeply thoughtful and inspiring priest, interspersed with periodic times in a beautiful stone chapel for singing and prayer. I couldn’t sing to save my life, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard such heavenly-sounding voices and echoing harmonies as of those around me. I’m used to silent retreats where I spend time alone in total solitude (or occasionally with other people) before God without speaking a word out loud, so this was and felt very different. At one point, a fellow visitor asked me, ‘Are you a Roman Catholic?’ I wasn’t sure how to answer this question. I don’t tend to think in such categories or to focus on denominational differences. I’m more interested in being and walking with others who are, quite simply, followers of Jesus. So, thinking out loud, struggling clumsily for words, I replied: ‘I first encountered Jesus through Roman Catholic friends and later trained as a Baptist minister. I often find writings by Roman Catholic mystics helpful in my walk with God. I guess that makes me a Roman Baptist, or a Baptist Catholic?’ ‘What does that mean?’, she asked, looking bemused. ‘A blend of Baptist theology and Catholic spirituality.’ ‘Does that even exist?’ she asked, puzzled. ‘It does now.’ When have you found yourself grappling with labels? How have you found ways to navigate through them? ‘Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.' (Pema Chödrön) Sunday evening this week, a trip to Germany. I was taken aback by the curt responses I received from some airport staff when transferring between flights, and witnessed from some cabin crew members towards passengers on the plane. It was and felt unusual, very different to what I’d experienced and seen on my many visits to Germany before. It made me wonder what demands and stresses these staff are facing, especially perhaps with tightening pressures in Germany on immigration and border control as it approaches its general election this month. It reminded me of an appraisal workshop I ran with Sue Powell, a gifted coach and trainer who’d worked internationally too. We were exploring a human tendency to judge others by their actions and, by contrast, ourselves by our intentions. Sue invited participants, in 2s, simply to stand in the room facing each other. Then, in silence, she invited them to imagine vividly, ‘This person is a problem’, and to notice how they felt as they did so. Then, ‘This person has a problem.’ And finally, ‘This person is like me, trying to do their best, yet has their ups and downs.’ Participants fed back in plenary how their feelings towards the other person had changed as they made these shifts in what they were telling themselves about that person; with an increase in empathy as the activity progressed. They also reflected on how, if it had been an appraisal conversation, what they were saying to themselves about the other could well have influenced reactions and outcomes, without necessarily being aware of it. So, there’s something here about grace and truth, addressing issues honestly whilst taking a compassionate stance. ‘Don't be too quick to offer unsolicited advice. It certainly will not endear you to people.’ (Harvey Mackay) In Germany today a friend, Margitta, and I shared experiences of giving well-meaning advice to others when it hasn’t landed well with those we’d hoped to help. The push-back has sometimes taken us by surprise, leaving the relationship bruised by what happened and what lay behind it. Margitta went on to explain that a German word for advice, Ratschlag, means quite literally to ‘hit with counsel’. Being ‘struck’ unexpectedly could understandably provoke a defensive response. Sometimes it’s about giving advice that someone didn’t invite; or at the wrong time when, say, empathy would have been more appropriate; or that it simply didn’t fit with them or the complex and felt realities of a situation they were dealing with. On occasion, it could have been a result of mansplaining – a man telling a woman something she already knows – which can be and feel patronising. (I may have just done that inadvertently by explaining what mansplaining means). Remember: ‘I’m not in X’s situation’ and, even more importantly, ‘I’m not X in X’s situation’. This is a useful word of caution to speak to ourselves. It’s also a main reason why developmental practices such as coaching and action learning focus on offering open questions rather than posing suggestions or solutions. Advice has its place, but: Is a person asking for it? Is this the best time for it? Is it appropriate? Am I the right person to give it? Can the relationship bear it? 'Will AI tools like ChatGPT or DeepSeek replace the need for human coaches? What, if anything, is the added value that a real human can bring in an increasingly AI-dominated arena?' Nick Wright (UK) and Dr Smita Singh (India) offer their own reflections here: I (Nick) have to admit that I feel quite conflicted in my response. On the one hand, I have a deep conviction that human presence lays at the heart of effective coaching, On the other, I can see a huge potential for Artificial Intelligence (AI) in this arena. The opening questions beg deeper questions for me such as: ‘Which aspects of human interaction such as empathy, intuition and relational depth are essential to coaching – and can these be emulated by AI?’ ‘Are there specific situations, industries or types of coaching where AI is more or less effective than a human coach?’ ‘What are the potential costs and benefits of using AI for coaching in contrast to those of working with a human coach?’ An AI can generate questions to help us address day-to-day challenges. For example, if I’m wondering why one of my team colleagues has stopped speaking to me, I could ask the AI what coaching-type questions I could consider. ChatGPT generated these questions when posed with that scenario: ‘Can you recall any recent interactions or events where there might have been a misunderstanding or conflict, even if it seemed minor at the time?’ ‘Have you noticed any changes in their behaviour toward others, or is their silence directed only at you?’ ‘How might you create a safe space to approach them gently and ask if something is wrong, showing that you’re open to listening and understanding?’ That said, in more complex situations, for instance where emotions are running high, posing questions alone isn’t enough. As human beings, we respond to presence, empathy and a felt-sense of being heard and understood. Although an AI can increasingly convincingly mimic these things, and although we have a remarkable ability to anthropomorphise non-human entities, we still somehow experience the relationship intuitively and qualitatively as different. As AI, deep learning and robotics continue to develop further, the blurring of human-non-human boundaries will blur further too. AI could make coaching more widely available, accessible and affordable. Perhaps, for some, it will be good and enough. I (Smita) have always wanted to address concerns about the scalability, consistency, accessibility and data-driven insights in the coaching field. I hope this issue can be effectively addressed with the advent of AI. Technology-enabled coaching will be a great asset but, yes, reflecting on the questions Nick raised above, a reflective approach will help determine whether we will benefit from it. Today, we have continuous glucose monitoring (CGM) and fitness trackers that measure heart rate and sleep quality and, based on that data, doctors make more-informed and accurate decisions. Likewise, having AI help the client identify challenges with more clarity will undoubtedly enhance the quality of coaching. There are areas where AI may not, or should not, be left alone; for instance to help a client address emotional intelligence or high-stake situations, like deciding one’s career etc. Human coaches can deal with complex, open-ended questions and offer more insightful, reflective and customised responses than any AI. Additionally, AI may may not be much help with, say, trust-building. Humans can engage with clients more deeply and intimately than AI, which is essential for fostering trust and accomplishing coaching objectives. AI coaching could, however, contribute significantly to technology and software development, health and wellness, finance and accounting and other practical or technical areas. Human coaches may be far better suited to areas like senior leadership development, team building and creative fields that help artists and designers develop their talent. Yet, here too, we could take help from AI and make it more data-driven. Coaches and clients with, say, an MBTI ‘sensing’ preference may enjoy access to numbers over intuition. AI is here to stay but, like all other scientific inventions, it has two sides. It’s in our hands how to use it. I would like to believe that it will not replace human coaches but, instead, will enhance and help the coaching process become more data-driven, and make it attractive for younger coaches to make a career in this field: ‘human-empowered AI-enabled coaching’. What do you think? We’d love to hear about your experiences, insights and ideas of using AI in coaching. (Dr Smita works in India as faculty at IMT Nagpur business school and is also a management consultant, coach and author.) [See also: Coaching and the poor; Coaching through an East-West lens; Artificial] ‘Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.’ (Ryunosuke Satoro) Shared leadership is about attitude, behaviour and culture. It isn’t strictly about role, although it has special significance for people in leadership roles. It’s about sharing the joys and burdens, opportunities and challenges of organisational leadership. It’s about making my best contribution and recognising the distinctive contribution of others. It’s also about respecting interdependence and valuing fellow leaders and colleagues. Here are some examples of shared leadership, in contrast to and as a shift away from a more individualistic approach:
Shared leadership isn’t about being passive or dependent as part of a group. It is about recognising my contribution, recognising others’ contributions too, and working together to achieve shared success. Imagine a scenario in which, for instance, I discover the leader of another team is struggling to reach an important deadline. A person with an individualistic approach may think or say, for example, ‘It’s not my problem, it has nothing to do with me.’ By contrast, a shared leadership response may look something like this: ‘I’ve noticed you are under pressure to meet X deadline. Would you like to grab a coffee to discuss ways I or others could help you?’ Or, ‘Is there anything I could do to help release the pressure for you, e.g. renegotiate what my team is asking from your team or renegotiate our deadlines?’ Or, ‘I have some space in my calendar tomorrow, is there something I could do to help you?’ We see here that the spirit and practice of shared leadership is: contributing my best and, at the same time, drawing on and adding to the contributions of others. Would you like help with developing shared leadership in your organisation? Get in touch! [See also: Agency as leadership; Leadershift; Interdependence] ‘Moral discipline is the consistent exercise of agency to choose the right because it is right, even when it is hard.’ (D. Todd Christofferson) Secret agent? No. Estate agent? No. Travel agent? No. Change agent? Yes – that’s what I mean here. Personal leadership is all about outlook, attitude and behaviour. It isn’t about role or position. It is about seeing myself, whatever my role, as an agent of change. It’s about being proactive, seizing the initiative and embracing fresh challenges. It’s also about seeking ways to improve things and being resourceful to address them. Here are some examples of personal leadership, representing a shift from passive to active stance:
Personal leadership isn’t about being individualistic or selfish. It is about choosing to take responsibility for my own decisions and actions and, where it affects others, helping to manage the implications. For instance, say I discover I can’t make it to a pre-arranged meeting. A passive response could be to say, for example, ‘Apologies, can’t make it after all.’ And that’s it. It could leave the other party feeling unsupported, undervalued or disrespected. By contrast, a personal leadership approach could look something like this: ‘Apologies, some unexpected, high priority and urgent work has come up which means I can’t now make it to our meeting. I recognise the meeting is important and I’ve explored various ways to make it possible, e.g. by rearranging other work, asking colleagues if they can cover for me; seeing if other deadlines can be renegotiated etc, without success. Is the date or time of the meeting negotiable...or could I perhaps arrange for somebody else attend in my place? I would ensure they are fully briefed beforehand and check in with them afterwards.’ See and feel the difference? Bottom line: personal leadership is about exercising my agency to contribute my best, and to enhance the contribution of others. Would you like help with developing personal leadership in your organisation? Get in touch! [See also: Shared leadership; Personal leadership; Developing personal leadership] |
Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! Like what you read? Simply enter your email address below to receive regular blog updates!
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