 ‘Your individuality is important, but so is belonging.’ (Sol Peralta) Yesterday’s coach training participants were from and based in Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador, Guatemala and Honduras. It was the first time I’d worked with English-Spanish simultaneous interpretation and Ana Duarte, the translator, did a brilliant job. (I don’t think my own brain could cope with that level of intensity and complexity in real time). It felt like witnessing a miracle and reminded me of the first time I trained deaf people with skilful support from British Sign Language interpreters. These course participants are employed in a variety of very different roles in a Christian international non-governmental organisation (INGO) and I was impressed by their high level of interest and engagement. They are keen to think through how to develop a coaching mindset and practice with individuals, and a broader coaching ethic and culture when working with diverse groups, organisations and movements – alongside, and in tangible service of, the poorest of the poor. We’ll have skills practice sessions next week then a follow-up workshop the week after. The participants are especially keen to explore trust-building in Latino cultural contexts and how to navigate a range of relational dynamics that often arise in their countries, e.g. how to retain essential human qualities; and how to manage boundaries between coaching, mentoring and pastoral support. I appreciated their genuine honesty, curiosity and warmth and I'm learning from them too.
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 ‘Disloyalty is essential for a good, free and honest life.’ (Yasmin Alibhai-Brown) I found Yasmin Alibhai-Brown’s claim (above) in her article in The i Paper this week provocative and intriguing. As a Muslim woman, she argues convincingly (in the context of grooming gangs) that ‘loyalties demanded by families, communities, movements, political parties and nations make us conform and acquiesce. Without dissent, we become slaves or collaborators.’ Yasmin's makes a courageous call to stand up and to speak out against the evil of perpetrators, where silence could be taken as cowardice or collusion. I find myself wondering how often I have stayed silent as a means of self-protection. It takes guts to risk everything – relationships, reputation, credibility or even safety – by taking a public stance for an unpopular person, reality or truth.  ‘Go deeply into the urge to be silent.’ (Jean Klein) It was a profound experience this week to stay on retreat at a monastery in the North of England. In the chapel at the front of the building was a flickering candle, suspended in oil, underneath a small plaque that said, ‘The dark places of the earth are haunts of violence’ – a quotation from Psalm 74 in the Bible. I felt deeply transfixed as I stood in front of it each day, remembering in speechless prayer those caught up in all kinds of trauma throughout the world. The flame felt like a symbol of light in darkness…hope. I felt enlightened by the warmth, wit and wisdom of the monks as we chatted informally, and at the occasional simple mealtimes when silence was invited to be broken. The days were punctuated by short, sung liturgy in a beautiful temple-like church and a daily sacred gift of bread and wine as a shared experience of Jesus Christ among us. I felt stimulated and encouraged by fellow travellers from the UK, Denmark and China. It reminds me how much I need God and community to fulfil all that He calls me to.  ‘I was lost, I was lost, crossed lines I shouldn’t have crossed.’ (Coldplay) Forgive us our Trespasses (2022) is a harrowing 14-minute drama depicting Nazi Aktion T4 atrocities, shown through the eyes of a young German boy who is missing one of his arms. Hitler insisted people with disabilities were to be murdered because, in his deranged view, they were on the wrong side of a eugenic dividing line. In doing so, he seriously crossed the line. Ironically, it’s the boy’s mother who prays the line that Jesus taught, ‘Forgive us our trespasses’. To trespass means, literally, to step across a boundary. Ethically, it could entail, say, invading a person, group or nation's land or space to manipulate, undermine, abuse or take advantage of them. Spiritually, it's like intruding into sacred territory where we have no right to go. It's the action, with consequences, of crossing over a red line. 'God, forgive us our trespasses when we cross the line on people and things that are precious to you. Help us, please, to hold the line.'  ‘Our own species is synonymous with screwing up.’ (Kathryn Schulz) Nigel Farage mocked the EU Parliament after the controversial Brexit referendum result: ‘When I came here 17 years ago and I said I wanted to lead a campaign to get Britain to leave the European Union, you all laughed at me. Well, I have to say, you're not laughing now, are you?’ Margaret Thatcher laughed dismissively too in the UK Parliament when members of her own Government suggested that Nelson Mandela may become a major figure after imprisonment. Mandela later became one of the most internationally-admired leaders of the 20th century. Jesus Christ also met with laughter when he claimed that a young girl who had died was ‘sleeping’. The crowd jeered sarcastically yet Jesus took the girl’s hand, spoke to her – and restored her life. Matthew Henry commented: 'They would never again laugh at any word of his.' We can see a pattern appear. The mistakes weren't simple stupidity. People extrapolated from the world they knew. They assumed current ‘realities’ (e.g. politics, economics, cultural beliefs, Divine activity) would stay fixed. History changes when assumed constraints disappear.  ‘Every now and then a word from the unconscious which I do not want insinuates itself into my discourse.’ (Terry Eagleton) When Keir Starmer proudly announced in PMQs this week that he’d struck a trade deal with North Korea, I turned to my daughter sitting beside me and asked, ‘Did he really just say that?!’ She replied, ‘Freudian slip. He secretly admires Kim Jong Un’s dictatorship.’ We both laughed. Well, half-laughed. Many a true word is spoken in jest. Even a serving Labour MP has complained to me subtly about Tsarmer’s authoritarian style. An autocrat imposes their agenda by coercion and force. It's time to elect a real leader.  ‘We all exercise agency in the choices we make.’ (Gordon B. Hinckley) I felt excited to reconnect with student community development workers in the Philippines today. Their tutor had invited me to lead a webinar focusing on ‘Developing Agency’ at personal and community levels. I shared quotations from a variety of experts in this arena as a stimulus for conversation, drawing attention to, for instance: awareness, choice, values, identity, freedom, responsibility, spirituality and action. (A student helpfully added intentionality). ‘We must dare to invent the future.’ (Paulo Freire, pedagogical philosopher); ‘I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.’ (Stephen Covey, business leader); ‘The sense that I am the one who is causing or generating an action.’ (Shaun Gallagher, cognitive philosopher); ‘Behind every action is a decision, whether we’re aware of it or not.’ (William Glasser, psychiatrist); ‘In the end we are our choices.’ (Jean-Paul Sartre, existential philosopher). The students found it easy to relate to core ideas in Choice Theory, that every action we take represents a choice, and that if it is a genuine choice, we can choose to do something else instead. This prompted reflections on freedom and ethics and the relationship between insight and action. We closed with a biblical promise that, ‘With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine’ – and that God chooses us first.  ‘The prime minister has insisted he will fight any attempt to bring him down.’ (HuffPost UK) What a week. As if things weren’t already unstable and turbulent enough on the world stage, the UK government has gone into chaotic meltdown. Not with the opposition but within its own ranks. Against the backdrop of disastrous election results for the Labour party last week, and a loud-and-clear message from the UK public along the lines of 'Starmer is an appalling communicator who exercises terrible political judgement', we find ourselves rudderless, spluttering and adrift. One commentator on TV today said, satirically, that Starmer’s leadership style does more to drive voters towards Reform and Greens than anything those parties could do for themselves. Yet the turmoil is symptomatic of wider and deeper phenomena than the PM alone. The world is complex and Labour, like the Conservatives before them, is complex too: an internal coalition of competing and, at times, conflicting interests that make it hard to pursue a simple, single unified vision. Farage and Polanski will be glued to the new headlines this weekend. I think I will be too.  ‘Once somebody’s proven their too frightened to defend the most vulnerable, they’ve shown who they are.’ (J.K. Rowling) J.K. Rowling is not known for mincing her words and I found her stark challenge at the weekend particularly piercing. I wondered how often I haven’t spoken up, haven’t intervened, through fear of how others could perceive or react towards me. Keeping our heads down is sometimes the expedient thing to do, if it helps keep others safe or enables us to achieve a greater goal. Staying silent through apathy or to save my own skin is, however, something completely different. Jasmin in the Philippines brought this principle home forcefully today when, in a class of future community development facilitators, she suddenly and unexpectedly instructed one of the students to leave the lesson and to wait outside, without any explanation as to why. He looked surprised but left the room, and Jasmin continued the session as normal. The other students became more focused and animated, perhaps believing their peer had been expelled for not paying attention or looking sufficiently engaged. Jasmin allowed this to run for some time, then invited the outsider to re-join the group. The students didn’t say a word. So – Jasmin challenged them directly. To the student who had been excluded: ‘Why did you just leave the room without asking why?’ To the wider group: ‘Why did you just watch that happen and not ask why?’ ‘Didn’t it occur to any of you to challenge me on what I just did?’ It was as if they had passively deferred to her authority, rather than question her or stand in support. Jasmin’s provocation stimulated an important conversation in the class about exercising personal agency in the context of community development, relationships and leadership. Using Jesus as a role model, she reinforced that behaviour is a choice and that they will need to learn to take risks, at times to take a very courageous stance, if they are to influence radical change.  ‘Information is giving out; communication is getting through.’ (Sydney J. Harris) I leapt to my own defence, taking even myself by surprise. I was out motorcycling with a good friend yesterday when, after taking a break, he unexpectedly gave me feedback on a couple of important riding mistakes I’d made on route. He’s a far more advanced motorcyclist than I am and his comments were justified and accurate. In fact, I’d noticed the same errors when I had made them and had attempted to correct them. So why the defensive response? I reflected on this afterwards and three factors came to mind: the feedback was unsolicited; given very directly; and only focused on the mistakes. Perhaps it tapped into an insecurity of sorts, too, when riding with such an experienced expert; especially as I’ve had 19 motorcycle accidents in the past – not something to be proud of – and have a definite need for improvement(!). A different way to approach feedback conversations (especially when working cross-culturally) is to (a) ask the person if they would find feedback useful (including in that moment and context); (b) explain our intention is to be helpful; (c) ask what feedback they would find most useful; and (d) ensure it’s in perspective (against a backdrop of what they did well). It’s about inviting the other party to invite feedback – if they’d like to. Would you like help with giving and receiving feedback? Get in touch! 
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Nick WrightI'm a psychological coach, trainer and OD consultant. Curious to discover how can I help you? Get in touch! 
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